The Edge of Reason

2004-02-29T22:51:00.000-06:00

Random thought of the day: You ever wish you could tell every asshole you've ever encountered in your life to just piss off? The world would be so much more honest then (and it would be like living in a road-rage situation all the time... sigh, I miss Detroit).

It's about two months to graduation. I buy a cap and gown this week. That means I'm really graduating. Really.
(AND... I can't wait to get out of here.)

Someone (as in Mike F.) just said the Lord of the Rings director "has the copy editor look... He could be one of us."
Excuse me?
Yes, that's mumbling from the fashion guru in the corner. And I take that offensively. (Especially since I was at the mall today looking to stock up on nice clothes for the copy editing conference I'm going to...)

Ray wants me to work as sports ed. through August. I said no.

2004-02-24T00:12:00.000-06:00

And so it ends:

"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
-- Carrie Bradshaw, the final episode

Here's to the girls.

2004-02-23T00:10:00.000-06:00

Weekend with Momma

I'm not sure if I've told y'all about my momma. She's the one drink wonder. Give her a beer, and she's out. Give her a glass of wine, and she's out.

Knowing that can come in handy if you have something unpleasant to tell her, such as:
1. Your disdain for the Catholic Church
2. Your support of gay marriage
3. Your excursion to pierce your belly.

I was pretty surprised. I think Mom had figured out my feelings about 1 & 2, but No. 3 was a bit of a shocker. With one glass of wine in her, as we were sitting on my futon watching TV, she mentioned something about jewelry (as in Dad won't buy her something or won't set foot in Tiffany's). I thought it was the perfect opportunity to tell her about my addition. Well, she freaked out for 15 minutes, as the piercing was something she would expect from the younger sibiling and not the older, more rational one. But she got over it and was asking me questions about it the next day (as in "Did it hurt?"). Dad's still not going to find out about this one. We agreed that he would flip.

Realizations of the week:
1. Don't meet the best friend of a boy you like. He's bound to fall for you (some sort of chemical formula type thingie).
2. I may actually be able to walk across the stage at graduation with a job in tow.
3. I will miss Sex. A lot. (After all, who will be the fashion plate for women??)
4. T-War really wants Allyson and me to redecorate his office. We thought he was kidding...
5. Mag design is a waste of brain cells.
6. Other than tests and design assigments, I'm not going to have any more reading for the semester (that stuff for Linguistics doesn't matter).
7. I really am going to have to have my wisdom teeth pulled. Dern.
8. I think I'm actually going to miss Columbia and (gasp!) the Moian.
9. Sometimes boys are more trouble than they're worth.
10. I don't appreciate it when certain people rewrite my headlines and they're BAD.

2004-02-16T23:42:00.000-06:00

It's so much easier to update this thing with lists, so that's what I'll continue to do.

Here's my life in a nutshell:
1. Went to Muncie. No freakish snowstorm. Nada. Saw "Miracle" and was not punched/hit/broken by the brother. That's good. And I discovered how much his students (whom I hung out with for most of the weekend, along with the boy) adore him. And that makes me happy. (Plus, Amy and I got matching skirts when we went shopping at Old Navy. I don't know how Vince puts up with us.)

2. Body mutilation update: I got scared of getting my shamrock tattoo. Amy told me about the scabbing process, and I freaked (as in got really nauseated in the car). Instead, I got my navel pierced. It was really cool. I didn't even flinch when it was done. It's a little tender now, but definitely cool looking and definitely worth the pain.

3. My mom's still coming to visit this weekend -- and #2 will probably still freak her out. As Ray would say, cut the cord.

4. I bought a hat for the first time in seven years. I couldn't really wear hats when I had my hair all short and stuff, but now that it's longer (FYI out-of-town friends: My hair's now longer) I can wear hats. So I got one of those cute newsboy hats. Amy helped me pick it out on our phenomenal shopping trip to the Muncie mall.

5. I'm going to turn down an internship offer. Is that stupid? I'm afraid of it biting me in the ass later... but I want a job, right??

6. How did I get an internship offer when I didn't apply for internships? Odd...

7. I need to make more time to go out. On weeknights. I remember last year when Janelle and I would go out to Trops all the time. Need to do that again. Screw homework and reading for classes. I'm giving it up for Lent.

8. Speaking of, Mardi Gras. Next week. Need to drink.

9. Weird sighting of the week: Moie saw my ex while she was visiting in Ann Arbor. Apparently, he looks the same -- standard khakis and a button-down shirt. And that was bar attire, too. Go figure.

10. I might become an auntie soon!!! Baby Gap here I come!!!

2004-02-09T00:03:00.000-06:00

I told a certain former ass't photo ed. that I'd update this thing more. And now that she's moving to Indiana, I guess I have to.

I've been very into making lists lately, so here goes with the update of my life:
1. I work a lot.
2. I'm going to Muncie this weekend (yes, again) to see "Miracle" with Vince (though he saw it sneak preview weekend) and to see the boy.
3. There's a boy. He has potential. We'll see what happens. Small problem: He lives in Muncie. I know, everyone says I'm crazy. Nothing new people. That's all y'all need to know. (For Carolyn, I'm not on the verge of another "Colleen delusional stage" a la sophomore year in college... He's not like the ex... I swear. I wouldn't put myself through that crap again.)
4. My classes suck. I'm not learning anything.
5. I've decided that homework is optional because it's my last semester.
6. Holy crap, it's already four weeks into the semester...
7. I need to find a job. And I think I'm going to look for design jobs, too. (If anyone hears of anything, let me know. I want to stay in the Midwest.)
8. I'm designing and editing a book, passed on to me from Karolyn, our beloved former senior news ed. who was hired in New Mex. as an ass't design ed.
9. Why did I just color tone a photo of Beyonce for the FRONT PAGE?!?!?!
10. Tattoo comes this weekend; Mom comes next. That's an interesting chain of events. She'll only flip a little... right?
11. My London-loving Irish boy, e-mail me!!!!
12. Working sports is a lot better than working news. We meet deadline, thank you.

On that note, must beat news....

2004-01-29T20:29:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I've updated this thing. To summarize the past four or so weeks: I worked a lot during intercession. I'm working a lot now. That's all.

Wednesday was my first day of photo editing. I'm starting to feel less stupid in the class. Except for a certain person laughing at me when I didn't know what goes in a camera kit. Thanks, punk.

Birthday came and went. Turning 21 was much more exciting than 22. It's kind of a letdown to turn 22 -- you have to start thinking seriously about jobs, learn about 401k stuff, figure out where the heck you want to be, etc. I'm not looking forward to that. I only know how to spend money, not save it. And I'm not very decisive. Oddly enough, I think I want to stay in the Midwest. But the snow is really making me question that. Especially since I trekked to Muncie for my b-day to celebrate with Vince and Amy. That means I drove through the freakin' snowstorm. From start to finish.

The trip was worth it, though. I got a WONDERFUL birthday present. Thanks big bro.

For the birthday, I didn't end up getting a tattoo. But that is to come. I think it will be a Valentine's Day project with a certain person in Muncie... And I will much like grabbing onto him when I'm screaming from pain rather than Vince. No offense.

Must drink beer...

2003-12-14T21:42:00.000-06:00

Surprise of the day:

Since my mom works at my high school, she usually has some interesting things to tell me about siblings of my classmates. But this tale was a shocker.

My ex-boyfriend's family sent us a Christmas card. Well, that's normal. I guess. But the fam also sent a Thanksgiving card. Weird. Yes.

So I'll take this moment to compose my version of a Christmas card to him from my fam.:

Dear J*****,

Happy Holidays. I hope your holiday is spent in peace. As in, not slamming doors and running out of our house on New Years Eve when you get pissed at our daughter and then wake us up in the middle of the night with the commotion.

We hope the holidays bring you happiness with your new girlfriend, so that she is content with the lifestyle that you want her to pursue. Perhaps, you can already start her on the housewife line of clothing to ready her for the day when you toss a ring on her finger and then knock her up. At any rate, we're glad it's not our daughter.

Wishing you Christ's blessing during the holiday season and a blessed new year,
The Pauleys*

*Excerpts taken from my conversation with my mother. This does not reflect my extreme dislike for my ex-boyfriend or the disgust I feel when I think about what I was going to do with my life if I would have married him.

Why do we do a four-page wrap when a shuttle blows up but not when the ACE is captured?
That's right... because the copy-editing guru doesn't work here anymore. Real job, real newspaper by May ... I hope. How many days is that? Damn.

If we run the lede hed 'We got him,' I swear I will quit. Well, probably not. I need the $5.75/hour. I'll just gripe for a really long time.

Well, it's too bad those folks can't use the obit I read this summer...

2003-12-08T23:49:00.000-06:00

Too many references to the one word I loathe... so I'll dwell on it here...

1. My sibling tells me that she's potentially met the perfect man. And mind you, I've met the guy she's talking about, and I'd say he's a keeper. But she used the "m" word in her conversation several times. As in they aren't a couple, but they talk about the "if we were to get "'m'ed." That's all fine and dandy, since Carolyn, Mo and I nearly wagered on her walk down the aisle before ours. But seriously. My sister?!?!

2. Ray, my sports ed. at the Moian, asks me "So, when are you going to get 'm'ed?"

Excuse me. So I explained to him that I tend to date the jerks because they're more interesting at this stage in my life. He was insulted, but still continued the discussion on the "m" word. At this point, I was leap out a window and plunge onto the parking lot outside LH Hall.

On another note...
To quell any discussion on Mr. Wyrwick's assertions that I frequent a certain fraternity house on this campus, not so. I do not set foot into any frat houses, thank you.

2003-12-03T22:12:00.000-06:00

I love my Saturn, but...
My battery died on Thanksgiving Day. That sucked.

I should be working on my papers....
But instead I'm at the Missourian helping Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb learn how to design. I'm way too nice of a person.

A few things down... three more to go...
Capstone presentation -- check. Drinking with Katie that night -- check. Poli Sci paper -- written in two hours, which the TA then discouraged us to do today in class --- check. Capstone paper, 20 pages -- to do. Shakespeare paper, 15 pages -- to do. Hot damn.

Still won't let it interfere with my drinking sched...

My team is better than yours, bitch...
The Blues are going down.

The end
No more Tiger Kickoffs. Whee. Now for those two eight-page bowl sections. Dern.

2003-11-16T19:28:00.000-06:00

Things are broken at the Moian. Should I be surprised? Not really. The plan to rejuvenate the J-School, my ass. Somehow I have my doubts about promises of a new press, new computers, etc. Call me a skeptic, if you must.

Two weekends in the Saturn
I'm pretty sure my car hurts right now. It went from 50,000 miles to 52,000 miles in two weekends. Ouch.

Weekend #1: Milwaukee, Wis. to visit the sister
My sister is, well, my sister. Nothing's changed. Boys wait around the block to catch her eye. I don't get it sometimes. But her friends were entertaining. And her manager at work wants to hire me. Well, at least I'll always have a spot at the Men's Wearhouse...

Moment of the weekend: Conversation about her two work friends with benefits...
"Jeff is your type, and Josh is mine." -- me
"Don't you dare touch him." -- my sister

Weekend #2: Muncie, Ind. to visit the big bro and my twin
It had been about four months since I last saw Vince and Amy together -- and we were drunk at Kelly's in KC. Amy made an appearance in CoMo a month or so ago -- and we were drunk at Tellers, Widman's and my apartment together. Good times.

Anyways, I was able to see the big bro's new stomping grounds -- Ball State -- where they have flat screen computers and the best of everything. The facilities made me a bit jealous. But then Vince and I began to concoct our plan: Someday, he'll teach reporting and I'll teach editing at some university. If it's BSU, that means I set up the editing program. Goodie. I even got to leave town with a copy of the Daily News stylebook. Best present EVER.

I also got to leave town with a lovely bruise because apparently while I was drunk I decided it would be a wise idea to fight Vince. A sibling thing. Amy thought it was funny. Vince didn't.

Other highlights from Muncie:
* Watching Vince have a tequila shot poured into his mouth from the bottle --- it was the first time his students bought him alcohol at BSU. It brought back memories.

* Seeing Love Actually. Amy and I were gushing afterwards. And V thought it was "OK for a girlie movie."

* Getting drunk off Labatt's at TWO bars. God bless Muncie bars for carrying my adult beverage of choice.

* A certain person telling me that he/she was proud of me. That meant a lot.

P.S. Come back to CoMo. Please. We'll carry out Plan #2 (related to Plan #1). If not, maybe I'll let you guys kidnap me next time.

2003-11-02T23:42:00.000-06:00

Somehow my blog's title seems more appropriate every time I post... Hmm. Perhaps it's negative karma.

But let's be positive... while other sit around the Moian freaking out. Yeah.

After all... Howie Day is coming to town, and what can be more amazing than that? Wait, it's a free concert. I still would pay any amount of money to see that man. I absolutely adore him. I have for about two years now. And his new CD tops his first one -- by a lot. And "Perfect Time of Day" -- though it's his single right now -- is not the best song on the CD. There's "Collide" and a new version of "She Says" (on his first CD, Australia, but waaaayy better on his new one). I think I might die if I meet the man. Die or pass out. I just pity the boy whom I'm going to the concert with. He might not like me anymore after he endures my squealing and jumping up and down (though he might like that part).

Other good things, though not quite as orgasmic as Howie Day... I reread my favorite Shakespeare play this weekend -- Much Ado About Nothing. Fanatic, yes. I do have a fish named Beatrice -- and I had two named Benedick, though they died. I don't think Bea wanted them to live. My mom thinks Bea (fish and character) are a lot like me. And folks, this is true. Here's why:
1. Bea hates men for the first half of the play. Well, for most of my life, I have hated men because they tend to be a thorn in my side. Bea and I would much rather be single.
2. Due to friends prodding, Bea realizes that she loves Benedick. Now I haven't found someone to wittily spar with me like Benedick, but a certain "big brother" made me realize that I needed to get out of my "I hate men" rut and realize what I really want in my life. (Insert nasty remarks from Garvin here.) Thanks, dumbass. (Garvin and big bro.)
3. Bea likes men who write her sonnets. I like men who like poetry. Perhaps that's why two out of my three exes are gay.
4. Bea shocks men with her wit. I don't really do that with my wit. It's more like my bluntness and my knowledge of sports.
5. Emma Thompson, who plays Bea in the 1990s film version, divorced Kenneth Branagh (Benedick). I, however, would like to do KB. I'm sure Emma once felt the same way. I would probably get rid of him after doing him. It's just the excitement of fulfilling the fantasy that my Shakespeare-nut friend and I always imagined.

In other news, I highly recommend the Maroon 5 CD. Buy it. Love it. I sure do.

Back to reality -- I hope we meet deadline so the press guys don't yell at me. Whatever happened to getting out early on Sundays? Oh that's right. Fred left.

2003-10-23T23:34:00.000-05:00

In honor of the cover girl of Vox and MU alum (who's here this weekend for Homecoming!):

"Deepest Cut"
I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want I'll try to love again (tryyy)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know, the first cut is the deepest
When it come to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's worst

It's one of those songs that just hits you the first time you hear it on the radio. And it just fits. Chalk it up to remembering why I'm so screwed up in relationships. Thanks to a certain Wolverine asshole... You're next for the curse (dubbed such by a former Moian TA who's now working across town and happily away from said curse.)

Note to self: Stay away from guys with a name starting with "J." There have been seven in my life in the past two years.

Paranoia, Paranoia
I registered for the last time. It felt weird. And then I panicked about not finding a job and missing out on the whole internship thing. I'd rather go across the street than stay around my current work environment. Sometimes, I don't like growing up.

One FEARLESS weekend...
Janelle and Becky are coming back for Homecoming!!! Yeah!! (P.S. Mr. Woodward, I know you're coming, and I'm excited. But it's a major surprise that J&B are returning to CoMo on the same weekend!! Mizzourah!)

2003-10-12T18:05:00.000-05:00

You drive me crazy...
As much as I dislike Britney Spears, it seemed like the appropriate header.

I'm seriously going crazy. The hours and hours in LH Hall are getting to me. And because of this place, I'm not sure if I get to go home for Thanksgiving. That would be my first holiday away from home (not counting Easter, which has been celebrated in CoMo since I got here). I haven't had a week off since May. I get one day (maybe) off from the Moian a week. And I swear to God I'm getting gray hair. Soon, I'll look like my Momer (except I think I'll opt to die rather than flaunt the salt-and-pepper do).

I need to get out of this town. Soon.

And I miss KC. A lot. (It was made worse this weekend because someone from the paper was in for the MU/NU game.)

Well... could be worse. At least I'm not alone in my on-the-brink insanity. There's plenty like me in the newsroom.

How many days until graduation?

Husk this...
Take that NU. I knew the boys could do it. And they had a pretty Kickoff to boot.

2003-10-07T23:39:00.000-05:00

Something to talk about...
Gee.. it's nice to know that when there's something "worth" gossiping about in my life**, people whom I haven't heard from in months/don't care to hear from ever again call me. That's nice. I could die in a ditch, and, if it was worth gossiping about, I guess they would.

Just a knock...
Even a concussion (stupid as it is) can't stop the boy*** from visiting. Sigh.

** By this I mean my "alleged" engagement... The ring, given to me by my friend who was mad at her husband. She wanted to play single. I played engaged. If people really knew me, they'd know that at 21 the last thing I'd want to do is get engaged. Please.
(For the first person I told, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to piss you off. A few cosmos and vodka collins and a game of pretend turns funny.)

*** And despite my status as "liar/jokester," the Irish boy from southern Mo. does exist. Ask Erica. She's met him.

2003-10-04T13:32:00.000-05:00

I forgot to mention
The relationship talk with the boy took an interesting turn...

and she's back...
amy's here. i'm so happy. vince can't have her back. she's staying here forever.

2003-09-28T22:25:00.000-05:00

I miss 100 degree days...
Sure. I wouldn't have said that in July. But it's freaking cold outside. I don't like that. It's not cold enough yet for sweaters though. At least be cold enough for sweaters.

A day of illness...
After getting over the darn bug that's been going around in 54ish hours, Janelle came to visit and did a round on my liver. Sure, she can't *technically* drink right now because of her meds, but she enjoyed watching me. Her visit made me remember why she's the only person I'll dance with to "Like A Virgin" on the dry bar at the Vu. Because of her, I spent Saturday feeling nauseated. Boo.

The dreaded talk
I hate having "the relationship talk." I preach that I refuse to have it. Why is the boy putting me through this? And why am I somehow realizing that I'm the one with the penis in this relationship and he's acting as if he's ODing on estrogen? Hell, he argues with me about hockey. That makes it worth it.

2003-09-23T00:47:00.000-05:00

It's not the bug that's going around...
I swear that my sniffles are because I'm allergic to Lee Hills Hall. It's not the bug. It's a reaction to all the hours I spend here. Can I get a doctor's note to leave for a bit?

Somehow, I don't think that will fly.

And yes, I'm here until 1 a.m. again. You'd think our deadline time was the same as sports. But no.

2003-09-21T19:43:00.000-05:00

It's a trip...
Somehow, I knew my return to KC would be crazy and weird all at the same time. But, man, I really didn't expect some of what happened to happen. Snipets from the weekend that make me miss the town -- in a very weird way:

1. My rockstar (whose only real interest in me is because of my breasts) is cocky as hell. I knew that before (kind of). But put the man on tour and pay him each week not to sign with another band. Inflated ego doesn't even begin to describe it. He was a little disappointed when I turned him down. You play with the Blues Clues guy. Someone really needs to tell Jas that he's not all that and a box of chocolates.

2. The boys at Kelly's. Crazy antics all around. And "my boyfriend" (the boy in love with me whom I want nothing to do with) felt the need to remind me that he's coming to CoMo in three weeks. Great. I told him it's the same weekend boy with potential is visiting. That shut him up real quick.

3. Mark is a complete dumbass. He misses out on his own afterbar because he got beat up and had to go to the hospital for stitches. Way to go kid. The only boy I know who would hit on the nurse and tell the doctor that a cat scan isn't necessary because there's really nothing left to damage up there.

4. Somehow the "young people at The Star" party turned into the 30+ party. Gee, Alexis, Molly and I felt young. And out of place.

5. Molly is the only person I know who can drink more than me. The girl drinks SoCo on the rocks. God, I miss her.

Shout it out...
Fiscus. I'm sorry I missed you. Boo. E-mail me and let me know how things are going.

2003-09-07T22:19:00.000-05:00

Hello, Mr. President
Yes, I was in D.C. this weekend for the Society of News Design conference. It was incredible. It really opened my eyes to possibilities for jobs and such. So, any thoughts on Florida (beach) or Virginia (great design)? Hmm. I kind of like the beach.

Antics, antics, antics
Also while in D.C., I got to see my fellow Mercy girl Mo. I miss her so much. We had such a blast, I didn't want to leave. It's so sad that we see each other every five months and that's pretty much it. I want to box up my Momer and keep her with me forever.
Also joining the high school memories bandwagon this week is my best, Carolyn. I can't wait for her to come to CoMo. It's going to be great. Let's keep the antics to a minimum, though. I think I had my fill this weekend.

Bet you didn't see this coming...
I saw the boy whom I think I could fall in love with. Reasoning: He likes Shakespeare and hockey. And we can talk for hours. And he went through the true test -- meeting my dearest friend. He has a blast even when he's subjected to squealing and trips down high school memory lane by Momer and me.

2003-09-01T22:32:00.000-05:00

So... there's a reason for that thing about the berg finally being posted. For some reason, it didn't want to post way back when... as in August. But I hope it worked now.

My new home
Lee Hills Hall. Seriously. Why do I pay for an apartment? There are couches, though uncomfortable, in the lounge. And Ray wants to keep me here forever. I'm sorry. I just can't. Gotta go...

Homesick for my boys
I miss my KC boys. The boys who took care of me. The boys who put my purse behind the bar when I need to go to the bathroom. (I'm sure Garvin would insert some lewd comment ... something like, "The boys who Colleen liked to hook up with behind closed bars, in her apartment, etc. ... "). Anyways, I miss them. And there's a ton of Labatt waiting for me in KC. I need to find my way back there sometime soon.

Philosophical question(s) of the day
Do things sometimes not work out because you don't make the effort for them to work? And how far do you push things to try to make them work?
This is something I'm debating a great deal right now...

2003-08-19T19:25:00.000-05:00

Here's to one of my favorites.

There's something so wonderful about a place that you consider cozy. Perhaps, there were times it became too cozy. Certainly, there were times that you were sick of being there ALL THE TIME.

But it's amazing how much you realize you miss the place once it's gone.

I think it's only suiting to dedicate a blog entry to this -- especially after a summer of not blogging. (Which, by the way, has nothing to do with all of you. I can't wait to get back to CoMO so I can have Internet again.)

Anyways, last night I spent three hours at the place that has become my "Cheers" bar in KC. I couldn't help but get a bit misty-eyed when "Tiny Dancer" came on the jukebox. In fact, I left Goodloe a message because I was sitting there thinking of all those moments we sat in our favorite place, where most of the bartenders knew us by face or name, singing along to that song, among others. I was fortunate enough to be with two MU grads at Kelly's last night -- one who oddly enough had a Spanish class with me a couple years ago and the other who is his roommate/co-worker at the bar. They knew. They understood.

Although I heard about what I think is worthy enough to deem a tragedy around 2 a.m. Monday, it didn't hit me until later in the day. Until I refreshed my filelist at work to find the metro centerpiece -- the berg fire. Then I saw the pictures. Then I knew how bad it was.

Sure, the berg had an amazing atmosphere that facilitiated discussions on everything from war to Jeff's sex life to journalism. But, the thing is, there's always us. We'll find some place else. I know that's a hard thing to fathom. But people like us made the berg what it was. So now, we just need to take that elsewhere. Push the greeks out of the bar and take one for ourselves.

Although I'm sad the berg burned down, I have to say that I'm happy to have all the memories with you. Goodloe really does the best job elaborating on those. The night war started tops the list. So does that farewell party with Vince and Amy.

But most of all, I'm glad I was there a week ago. To have one last berg moment with two of the best guys in CoMO (and jerk... but we'll ignore that).

I raise my glass to all of you, all our memories and the place where we created so many of them while guzzling many pitchers. Here's to the berg. It's closing time.

2003-06-13T19:15:00.000-05:00

GOODBYE LAND OF SUN....

I can't believe how quickly the past two weeks went by. I'm kind of sad to go. It's great being with a bunch of copy-editing junkies and bar enthusiasts. I've made some great friends.

CALI ADVENTURE PART 2... The shortened version told with a list:
1. Running through sprinklers on campus as we stumble home from bars;
2. IBM men tossing $50s at the Flying Pig bartender and Stepf ordering Crown Bend Me Over shots with the money (cost for five: $37.50);
3. Everyone flipping out when I brought one of the IBM men home;
4. Becoming friends with one of the bartenders at our favorite bar;
5. Trouble Times Three getting Cali loving (some of us twice);
6. Guy #2 ... yummy surfer and designer;
7. Latino men at the salsa bar using my leg as a humping pole.

If you want more details, call me ....

EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN CALIFORNIA
No, you sickos. Shots are not double shots. No they're triple ones. I don't recommend doing 4 and then drinking 4 other "beverages."

COLUMBIANS UNITE
I'll be in town on Wednesday. And the next Tuesday.

2003-06-04T23:47:00.000-05:00

'THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WATER' -- Laura
Yes, Laura, one of my fellow DJ camper friends, is right. There is something in the water here.

They don't make California men like they do in Missouri. Seriously. Last night, we were at a bar ($2 drink specials -- beer and vodka drinks, which were definitely more vodka than other), and we were sitting at a table near the door. So we saw everyone who walked in. We kept repeating things such as "I like that one," "oh, he's hot" and "can I take him home?"

That is until a couple of guys came up to us. We didn't want to take them anywhere. We wanted them to leave. Think back to middle school, and you'll know what these guys were like. One asked us to smell his fingers. The same one mentioned he had large balls and small penis. And then the other one quipped in that he didn't have a big dick, but man was he narrow.

So we spent the rest of the night trying to avoid these guys, which involved us screaming "I need another drink" and heading to the bar a ton of times.

Well, we decided to head out to the patio because hell, we're in California. The weather's nice. So we run into the sketchy guys again. Laura grabs the guy in front of her and drunkenly requests him to pretend that he's with us so as to avoid these weird guys. The nice, attractive man of course obliges. And thus Laura meets Angelo.

Later on, I'm walking off the patio with Cyndy. I had been telling her that this guy wearing a red, button-down shirt (yes, Goodloe) was really, really hot, but there was no way I thought he would be interested in me because he was that hot. So he's in front of me walking out, and Cyndy repeatedly tells me to grab his ass. (Later I found out she did so as to make it look as if I did.) Well we see the weird guys again, and I figure hell it worked for Laura, so I'll try it. Grab him, tell him to pretend he's with me. He grabs my hand and hauls my drunk ass away from the guys.

Well Cyndy and I move on to leave the bar and leave the hot boy behind. We're standing around chatting to each other even though it's closing time. Angelo offers to give us a ride home, and of course, we'd rather do that than walk through the ghetto again. Well, I get it in my head that I'll wait for hot red-shirt boy and give him my number (again, I'm very, very drunk). So I grab him as he's approaching the door, tell him I'm in town for about 11 more days and call me. We start chatting outside the bar now after he grabbed me and hauled me out with him. So he tells me he's having a party on Friday and I should come. Well, of course I'll bring some of the DJ kids with me. So we exchange numbers, he hugs me and we move on our merry way. And thus I met hot Cali boy Adreas.

See, now I'm even getting myself into trouble on the other side of the country. Damn, why isn't my internship in hot-man land?!?!

more to come in the next chapter of the scandalous California adventures of Colleen

P.S. Goodloe, I hope you got my drunk dial message. I realized it was like 4 a.m. your time. But you requested one from the west coast...

Copy editing lesson of the day:
"Basically if you're shot four times in the abdomen, your abdomen will be hanging out."
-- one of the profs at my camp on explaining why it doesn't matter if you say "in the abdomen" or "to the abdomen" about a shooting

2003-06-02T22:21:00.000-05:00

The long-awaited return of the blog....

Well, I'm back. Kind of. Over the next couple weeks postings will be infrequent, but I'm here -- back by popular demand.

AND I'M LIVE FROM SAN JOSE!!!
It's amazing here. Great weather. Great people. Good food.

Actually, it's just wondeful being with a bunch of copy editing junkies talking about gerunds, dangling participles and parallelism. It's nice to have a family like that.

And, as expected, even last night -- the first night here -- I wandered to the bars with a bunch of people. Jet lag can't stop us. No.... we have to be in a karaoke bar at 1 a.m. singing "Pour Some Sugar on Me," "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" and "Losing My Religion." It was a great time, and I hope we have 13 more nights like that.

DETROIT -- Welcome to hell.
I hate going home. I just hate it. It's not fun. I hate the town. I hate the people. I hate everything about it. Except Carolyn, Mo and I always meet up there. And my family lives there. I can't wait until my parents leave that shithole.

In other happy news... I will be coming to Columbia in a few weeks. That means, I want to see you if you're in Columbia. I'll let you know what day I'm coming. I promise.

P.S. That means someone has to make sure I don't go apeshit on Justin. I'm nearing a breaking point with relationships. I hate them so much. And I'm tired of being the one-night girl.

Song that is me right now: Matchbox 20 "Hand Me Down"

2003-05-17T12:07:00.000-05:00

And it's quiet...
We have one resident left in the building. That's it. And I'm sitting at the front desk, working on closing crap. It's really weird. I can't believe this year is over. It seems as if there's more to it. And for some reason, as I sit here, I'm not sad about leaving. In fact, I'm anxious. I have a very exciting summer before me -- with a cool job and a super cool roomie. There's really no reason to be sad.

Graduation day
In one hour, I will be watching most of my friends graduate. Last night, I saw Vince get hooded for his doctoral degree. And for some reason, it still hasn't hit me yet. It'll hit me when I'm leaving town -- or when I hear "Remix" on the radio. Or when I'm in a bar in KC that isn't Widmans, the Berg or Trops. It'll hit me when I'm in a different newsroom. It'll hit me when I'm back in the fall. And it'll suck then.

But for now, it's one big party.

2003-05-14T14:07:00.000-05:00

Today is Vince's last day at the Missourian. I'm still pretending that it's not happening. Just like people aren't graduating this week. Not happening.

But if it does actually happen, I'm with Katie. Burn the robes. Burn their shit. And we'll chain them to something so they can't leave.

Tomorrow I head to KC to get my apartment key with Blythe. Whee. I'm so excited.

As of today, I'm done with school. It doesn't seem like I'm done, but I am. Now if only people would start leaving this place. Then I'll really be done. Two people have moved out so far. They're all supposed to be out at 8 p.m. on Friday. That means the mad rush will be 1. while I'm in KC on Thursday and 2. while I'm working at the Missourian on Friday. Oops. I swear I didn't plan it this way. Honestly.

I got a scholarship from the Kansas City Press Club. I guess it's a big deal. Everyone else was really excited. All the editors gave me high fives when I told them. So I guess I should get excited about it, huh??

P.S. I have a hat that belongs to a boy named Chris. He's a Delta Chi. He's one of Eddie's friends. I think he wants it back. Oops.

2003-05-13T08:55:00.000-05:00

I like blue saran wrap. Not like that you sickos. It goes great with red sports cars.

I can't believe I'm awake. These late-night antics are going to kill me this week. But it's worth it. Janelle and I really shouldn't stop coming up with brilliant ideas at 3 a.m. That's honestly when we have our best ideas.

P.S. Mike can't expect to get the same treatment Erin, Janelle and I gave Fred last night. We like Fred. We don't like Mike. Mike doesn't get the pleasure of having a Berg moment with us. Nope. Too dangerous. Someone seriously will tell him what we think about him. Hell, Janelle almost told Fred how we felt about Mike last night.

Funny discovery of the week: Has anyone noticed how TBS is now running 2 episodes of DC in the morning followed by 2 episodes of Saved by the Bell? Sneaky people. Hitting up the kids who watched DC in high school and SBTB in grade school and middle school.

Today's my last design shift at the Missourian. Tear. Hell, I have Kickoff and Ray to look forward to in the fall. I'm going to miss designing this summer.

2003-05-10T14:43:00.000-05:00

Finals blues...
I'm feeling completely apathetic about finals. I'm pretending that they're not going to happen. And that's probably not a good thing, since I have one on Monday that I haven't even started studying for. Well, to be honest, it's only a test. And I don't really care about that class anyways. So I don't know how much I would've really wanted to study for it in the first place. Abby will make me study tomorrow. But in the meantime, I've done the following:

1. Slept in today -- which doesn't say much considering how late I was out last night.
2. Talked to my sister, who is hungover and in a car with my parents.
3. Watched "Boy Meets World" and other old TV shows on the Disney channel and ABC Family.
4. I DID write a little more of my paper, which is due on Monday. I have two pages left. When I get those two pages done, I'm stopping, no matter how stupid the paper sounds.
5. I went to Victoria's Secret and bought a new bra and matching underwear.

Gotta love Vikki...
I did something super stupid today... I got a Victoria's Secret credit card. But I get all kinds of coupons. Saving money, people. It's important.

P.S. Last night was SUPER fucked up. Yeah. Running in the pouring rain from Big 12 to the Vu. Jesus trying to dance with us. And Diner. At 4:30 a.m. Shoot.
P.P.S. So, who would've thought I would find a hardcore Wings fan in this town? And he's single. God, I love my life. (Jason doesn't count... he's not hardcore -- no offense, kid.)
P.P.P.S. Pat -- you must fix my comments thingie. If you try to comment, it doesn't show the comment. Boo. You must help!!

2003-05-04T00:39:00.000-05:00

Not done yet... I think someone is having wild and crazy sex either in the room next to me or in the room above me.

About 16 days until I move to my apartment.

But who's counting?!?!

2003-05-04T00:37:00.000-05:00

P.S. Pat -- I don't think my comments are working yet. Fix them. --- The management

2003-05-04T00:36:00.000-05:00

Saturday night at the copy desk: Welcome to the crazy bin
Dan to Pat after Pat was dancing: "Shake your money-maker."
Ray, the sports editor: "If that's his money-maker, he's not going to be making much money."
Me: "That's going on my blog."
Ray: "Make sure you spell my name right."

Also odd -- Pat hugging Fred when we kicked the rimsters out at 8:30. Fred was a bit shocked. I can't imagine why. Pat, honey, stop hugging the news editors. Just a thought.

Reasons why Saturdays rock my world...
Well, other than the above... One man in particular rocks my world when he comes in on Saturdays: Reuben. Man, can that guy dress. Although... I admit it. He definitely seemed abnormally swinging in the other direction today. But who knows.

Vince: You are the meanest 'big brother' I've ever had.
Enough said. I might forgive you. Maybe.

OK... I forgive you, meanie.

2003-05-01T18:14:00.000-05:00

Land of the paranoid...
Yes, I'm a small bundle of paranoia. I guess that's a good thing because I'm more attentive to little things. But it's also bad because I'm always looking in my rearview mirror to make sure that a certain Missouri car isn't following me (not the cops, people). I could be delusional, but I swear I saw it pulling into the lot as I was pulling out. And that was after I saw it at the Moian. I think I'm going insane. Then of course, I put nothing beyond a boy who attempted to pin a girl down. He's obviously a blithering idiot if he thinks he could hold a girl with brute upper-body strength down for more than a second.

Saturday's going to be absolute hell. I think I'm going to wear a parka and hide in Vince's office. Or I could I cower under my computer. Maybe that should be my thanks for talking to Fred's 110 class about design and news judgment...

It's the end of the year as we know it...
I can't believe I'm almost done with my junior year of college. I can't believe most of my friends are graduating. I can't believe Vince and Amy are moving to Indiana. I can't believe I might graduate in December. I can't believe Fred's leaving me with Mike (that's like a dagger in the heart). I can't believe I have so much crap to do. I can't believe I'll never live in a dorm again (well, except for those two weeks in San Jose). I can't believe I spent $30 at Widman's last night. Somehow, I can believe I'm really poor.

This has been a really strange year. But an incredible year. One I will never forget. Sometimes, I wake up, and I can't believe where I'm at, how far I've come and how great my friends are.

OK... I'm done with the gushy crap.

2003-04-25T01:55:00.000-05:00

I'm only happy when it rains...
I guess the pouring rain really reflects exactly what I'm feeling right now. I've had a miserable night -- one I wish I could take back. There are few things that could be worse than this. Guy #1 is definitely hitting the doorstep after this one.

But I realized a very funny thing. I miss high school. Sure, it sounds stupid, but we knew all those U of D and Rice boys. We could trust them. We knew they weren't jackasses or sex fiends (well, that might be a lie on the last one...). But they were quality boys who respected women. That's what they were taught.

In recent months (more like 12), I've dated a prude and an asexual, commitment-phobic boy. I'm still waiting to go out with the cop (guy #2) -- he was paged the other night to work. Things are still stalled with guy #3... and I have no idea where they're going. We had that awkward talk of "so you have a girlfriend but I still want to date you" -- sober. That was a blast. And, now, I find out that guy #1 is a dickhead, jackass freak.

The weird thing is... I'm happy because now I know that. And it's raining.

P.S. Pat, you were right all along.

2003-04-20T01:54:00.000-05:00

My so-called life...
I drove for an hour today. I headed toward the mall but ended up taking a left instead of a right at Stadium. Instead, I hopped on 163, drove through Rock Bridge State Park and wandered on county roads. I had to clear my head, and the only way I could do that was with music and a V-6 engine.

It's very strange. I always saw other people dating one -- if not multiple -- guys in college. I never was one of those girls.

And, all of a sudden, I've become one of those girls. I just got back from another date with guy #1. I'm going out with guy #2 during the week. And well, I'm at a stalled point with guy #3 -- but I think it's a hurdle we'll get over.

The funny thing is .... I feel like I'm being dishonest. Like I go out with one guy and think about another one on the date. But I'm around a different one and I'm thinking about the guy I went out with the other day.

Tonight, I told myself I'd break things off with guy #1. I wasn't sure how things could possibly work with us because we're very different. But I realized that he still makes my stomach do flips. So much for plan #1.

And surprisingly, I'm still behaving myself.***

Easter a la Co, Mo.
This is my first Easter away from home. We're making a ham and stuff. It should be fun. I'm excited. It's very grown up of us.

*** We're going to not count the evening's events on Friday, April 18. To clarify, I did behave myself for the most part.... but kind of got into an interesting situation with guy #3. We'll just say it's a rock in the road. He's hands off until we toss that rock into the ditch.

2003-04-17T22:58:00.000-05:00

Ode to a friend
It's amazing how things sometimes don't change. Hundreds of miles can separate you, but it's always the same. God, an ocean can separate you for six months, and things don't change. You can still get on the phone and talk about everything from high school to families to college life. The Bear will always be the Bear in my mind. She'll always be my best girl.

Bad day turned good
Bad things that happened to me today:
1. My throat hurt when I woke up.
2. I stubbed my toe on the fridge.
3. The "perfect" placemats I wanted to buy for my apartment weren't so perfect.
4. I got my first parking ticket today ... while parked outside the RAP office.

Good things that made it all better:
1. I had a great chat with the design editor at a major newspaper. I thought she would tell me I sucked, and she didn't.
2. Great convo with an old friend.
3. Finding other "perfect" placemats.

AND....
4. Getting an opportunity that I thought I could only dream of. (We'll just ignore the fight I had with my parents because of said opportunity.)

So, the opportunity is.... designing Tiger Tipoff, a special sports section that comes out for every home game of the football season and 8-10 times during the basketball season. It's 16 pages of designing -- all to myself. The editors conversed and decided they wanted me to do it.

It will suck up a ton of time, and it probably means I won't graduate in December.

Part of me wants to run into the newsroom tomorrow screaming "Yes. I'll do it." But I promised my parents I'd wait until Monday.

And for all of you who are wondering if I have a social life beyond the newsroom...
The date with the cop is probably next week. Amy has to set it up.
Oh, and second date with the photog... probably this weekend.

2003-04-09T02:23:00.000-05:00

Getting to sleep = not that easy...
I haven't blogged in quite some time, so as I listen to MSNBC in a desperate attempt to fall asleep so that I don't walk through tomorrow like a zombie, I decided to blog. So here's a brief synopsis of the past few weeks of my life:

1. Spring break - crazy fun. Looking for apartments -- not so fun (I think Katie would agree). Milwaukee is such a fun city for the following reasons:
-- Marquette boys are hot.
-- Marquette boys buy you drinks, especially when they realize you're Maureen's sister.
-- Bars stay open until 2. What a novel idea.
-- Heggarty's -- just like the Berg. In other words, I could live there.
-- Shopping -- absolutely fabulous. J.Crew. Banana. My home-away-from-home.
All around, break was a blast. Katie and I had loads of fun -- especially with our CoMo boys Pat and Jake who visited Milwaukee for a couple days. Whee.

2. It's strange that boys come along all at the same time. You go on a drought for, say, two years (not including hook-ups). And then there's a bunch of boys lining up. It's weird dating multiple guys at one time. Honest to God, never done that before.

3. Also on the guy front, boys my age = not fun. Must find older boys. Say 23 or 27. That works.

4. Cringe moment of the week: So, in my Love in Brit Lit class (yeah, I know it's funny...), we're reading this book about two sisters who don't really see the purpose in getting married. They're not too fond of the idea. It's about damn time we get away from that flowery, romantic crap. So, what does one of the girls in my class say? "This novel made me question my purpose in life." EXCUSE ME?!?! Purpose?!?! Honey, a woman's "purpose" shouldn't be to have babies, clean the house and crap. I understand the few people who think that. That's fine. But the rest of my class nodded along with her. I should've just left the class. It make me sick.

5. Amy is the coolest person I know. She is me in six years. If I'm going to be like that when I'm 27, I can't wait.

6. I can't live in the north anymore. It snows there. And, by the end of March, I refuse to wear a winter coat. Yes, it snowed in Columbia on Tuesday. I was walking around in my spring coat. Freezing my ass off. At least it didn't accumulate... like it did in the north. I couldn't deal with that. Must look for jobs in warm weather.

7. I have senioritis. But at least I have a positive attitude now. I was getting really dragged down before break. Just too much crap to do and too little time. I was a big bundle of nasty stress. I was also letting the pending graduation of so many close friends get me down. But I've decided to live the next 5 weeks like they're not leaving... and treasure every moment with them. I won't think about how things will be next year, and I won't give off negative energy.

8. I've been a really bad Catholic lately. I've been missing church. And it's Lent. I feel like I've committed a sin. But it's hard to fully believe in God with everything going on in the world. Must go to church. Must.

9. Going along with that, it's nice to know that I have "family" here to spend Easter with. Mom and Dad were very worried, since this will be my first Easter without them. I'll be fine. And I'll be having cosmos. Is that sacriligious??

10. Random note: I'm growing out my hair. I've gone through a bit of a transformation as of late, and I want to change my hair. New part of my life. Getting over, moving on. Must change my hair. It's the way things go. Always. Oh, and I found my first grey hair. Must also dye my hair. Maybe red.

11. I've decided to make resolutions for the rest of the semester:
-- Be positive.
-- Exercise. (I don't do that. And I've put on weight.)
-- Not worry about what people think of me.
-- Smile. A lot. Someone once told me to just keep smiling and everything will be OK. That person is very wise, though I wouldn't admit it to his face. But it's very true.
-- Live my life for myself. Live my dreams. Live my fantasies (ooohh!!).
-- Date more boys and not become clingy or attached.
-- Spend a ton of time with everyone who's leaving. (In essence, promote my senioritis.)
-- Not worry about the future and live by the seat of my pants.

This is way too Bridget Jones-esque.

2003-04-09T01:45:00.000-05:00

Nothing ever goes normally at the Moian. Not even on April election night.

Damn stupid people in this town. If it's not hanging chads, it's voting for one too many candidates. Way to go.

2003-03-20T02:23:00.000-06:00

Gulf War II: Revenge of the U.S.
There are some events in life that are extremely memorable. Because of what they are. Or because of what happened. Or maybe because of where you found out.

At 8:15 p.m. on Wednesday, March 19, 2003, Katie, Jeff, Courtney and I left the newsroom. We thought nothing was going to happen. Jeff went to Wal-Mart. Katie, Courtney and I went to grab a beer at the Berg. I looked at the TV, which had the news on, and mentioned that it was getting light in Iraq. The sun was rising.

About 10 minutes later, my cell phone rang. It was Chris screaming "We're going to war." We threw money on the table, explained to the waitress and ran.

I will never forget that moment.

The drive home...
Columbia's a very quiet town at 2 a.m. on a weeknight. The bars are all closed. The lights are all flashing red. You pass one or two cars on the road. It's silent. The town is sleeping.

It is then that you realize what is happening nine hours away from us. Our town is quiet, but Iraq is not. The people live in fear of scuds. They don't live in peace.

Then, things set in. As a journalist, you go through the motions. You don't process. Tonight, I designed. I didn't think about what was happening. But when you leave the newsroom and enter the quiet streets of Columbia, you can't help but think about what is happening. And it's frightening. The excitement, adrenaline and caffeine wear off. And you just feel like crying.

2003-03-13T00:29:00.000-06:00

And then there was the younger Pauley...
Yes, my sister is coming to town tomorrow. I'm very excited. There are so many people I've become friends with this year who haven't met her, so I'm thrilled to have her meet them. A lot of people think we're very different... so we'll see how that all works out.
So, I think Friday night or Saturday night we'll be going out somewhere. Maybe Black & Gold. (It's about time the girl meets some cowboys.) Maybe the Berg. Call me if you're interested. But, on Thursday, we're going to play pool. With Vince. She's not allowed to hustle him. She can beat him and hustle any other guy at the billiards place. But I ban her from hustling him.

And they danced...
Yup. My story on Irish dance runs on Sunday. I can't believe it's running. I've been working on it for so long. I'm really excited about it. I'll put a link on here once it gets up.

Crisis averted...
I had a mini-crisis last week that turned out to be a mistake. It was quite a scare, but everything's fine now. Thanks to all of you who let me cry and bitch to you. And fed me and bought me liquor. All is well now.

Blog updates... few and far between...
Well, if you didn't know, I'm working on the war section for the Missourian. Whenever war starts, we're running an eight-page special section the next day. So, I'm one of three people designing it. It's going to be great, but we did three pages ahead of time this week so we don't get caught with our pants down. So, I had a page due this week. And I had my story due. And I feel like I'm spending soooo many hours at the Moian doing random stuff. It's super. I love being there. I'm just tired. I need a vacation. To Milwaukee.

2003-03-02T00:01:00.000-06:00

When I say my world is crashing down on me, I mean it. I need a sedative and some vodka. Too bad I live in a res hall and can't have the latter. I guess NyQuil will have to do for the former.

2003-02-23T17:21:00.000-06:00

I'm stupid...
Yup definitely changed my template and definitely fucked up my comment feature. The poll will be delayed until I fix the comments. And, unfortunately, I need to study for a test right now, and not fix the comments.

-- Thnx. The Management.

2003-02-23T16:45:00.000-06:00

Time for The Edge of Reason poll of the day....
Do you think I am anti-men? (Described as the cat who walks away from the mouse instead of chasing it or batting at it in a threatening manner.) Please vote in a "shout out."

Anyone else feel like their electives really don't apply to their future??
Cultural anthropology... Uh, yeah, no. Please. No more. I don't want to study in it.
Speaking of classes, this semester -- a class on love (yes, I was slightly delusional when I signed up for it). Next semester, a class on war.

2003-02-22T23:52:00.000-06:00

Yes, I would tie bows in a dog's hair...
But, my new girlie claim to fame is having three fuzzy navel wine coolers in Chip's fridge. Nothing beats getting an e-mail from one of your editors instructing you to come over and get those darn girlie drinks out of his fridge. Ah, good times.

Besides, I don't want to pick them up. I don't have anywhere to put them, and they're going to be part of an evil newsroom plot on Tuesday (buwahahaha).

2003-02-19T01:47:00.000-06:00

Reasoning... whatever...
Note to self: Although Amy and Vince are loads of fun (along with K), never, ever go to the Berg again with them after a long night of designing.

Also, when Vince is drunk, he likes correcting my grammatical errors and calls me "grammar girl" with a slight bit of disdain.

2003-02-18T11:27:00.000-06:00

Thoughts on movng on...
I've had a really shitty 24 to 48 hours, and if it wouldn't have been for Katie last night, I would have been balled up on my bed sobbing. And I'm not one to sob (except for when I get in those periods of time when I do it every night for an entire week).

I'm finally realizing what it's like to be one of the younger ones of a group of friends. Most of my friends are graduating this year. And it's finally hit me. Next week, I register, and they don't.

But, it's not only that. I'm also really sad because some of my most favorite people in the newsroom are leaving. The people who had confidence in me and pushed me because they knew I could do it and make it. For me and a few others, it's just going to be empty in that newsroom next year. I know things change and people move on. But, what I love about that newsroom is the people with whom I work. And the two people who have guided me along the way, have given me votes of confidence when I have doubted myself and have made me, more than ever, want to do what I love doing - copy editing, designing and reporting -- those two people are leaving. (I apologize for the strange construction of that sentence.)

And, now, I'm worried about who might replace those people. Katie and I were talking last night and saying that next year could be absolutely miserable depending on who is brought in and what those people want to do to our newspaper. We can't fight the battle alone. We aren't even consulted in the battle. Yet, we are the people who have to maintain the consistency from this year to next year.

I'm not sure if I want to be one of those peole anymore. I've thought about this for a bit, and maybe I should go somewhere my last semester. (K-- I found out that the D.C. program is reporting-based only. That would kill me. Dammit, why don't they take copy editors too?? Who's in charge of it?? Jill McStupid doesn't know everything.) I could go to London, but I have a feeling my parents will be apprehensive about that given the political climate of the world. (I watch waaaayyy too much MSNBC.)

I don't know. All I know now is that I'm a little sad. A little anxious. This town is getting old for me. And I'm getting to that point that I'm ready to move on to bigger and better things.

(There are also other things I'm unhappy about right now, but just don't want to put on my blog. If you wish, you can inquire with me personally as to what those things are. For my Moian friends, I'm pretty sure you can guess what it is...)

P.S. Vince, if you see this blog, I apologize for what you might read. Remember when you used to think I was a little pristine princess -- good and holy. Yeah, if that wasn't shattered already (which I'm pretty sure was after some of the things I told you the other day), then it's all goin to hell now...

2003-02-15T23:40:00.000-06:00

Singles Fest 2003... ah the memories...
1. My date... his name was Pinot Grigio. He was wonderful and liked to nestle in between my breasts. Sure, Katie's date was a bit more gurthy, but mine was longer (ooh so dirty, but so funny... sorry girl, I said I wouldn't repeat it, but I did!!).
2. How does Garvin always end up humping the floor when he drinks?? Just wondering...
3. I got a rose (like all the other girls) from a nice young man who called me asexual a week ago.
4. Swisher Sweets... god, when was the last time I had one?? I think it was after HS graduation...
5. Big shocker... Kristen got on CroMagnon man again... how is this not surprising??
6. Katie and I were the "no hookup police"... But, everyone laughed when we said this... what?? is it ironic or something....
7. Pat... "Hey ya Vince... so um ya want to come over to my place??" (after Katie and I fought about who calls him... and then giggled in the background...)
8. I always knew I was a cosmopolitan girl...
9. I like stuff with Brie in it...
10. The many toasts to being single :)

Post Singles Fest resolutions
1. Stop playing the game with Mr. "I am a player"...
2. Date Pinot more...

** On a sidenote, Amy Filak is just a blast. She's not allowed to leave Columbia (and neither is Vince for that matter...) But, Katie & I have uber dirt on Vince now... I'm still not sure if he's pissed that older guys (28 & 26) came and flirted with us at Widmans when we were out with his wife... Hmm, must find out...

2003-02-13T00:00:00.000-06:00

Someone's a little cranky, and for once it's not me...
I received a complaint that I haven't posted on my blog recently, and I need to. Well, for that person (you know who you are), I think you should start your own blog. That would be entertaining.

Let the singles fest begin...
Valentines Day Schmalentines Day. Whatever. I have a new theory as to why I could never have a boyfriend on V-Day. I treat myself way too well. I bought myself flowers today. I bought myself a new shirt for the singles bash on Friday night. I also perused the wine aisle at Schnucks, but waited to buy in order to gather others' preferences. Hooray. I'm pumped for Friday.

Oh, and I think we should take Jackie's idea. Let's pretend the guys are our pimps, and we're the whores. Yeah. Sounds great..............

2003-02-08T14:59:00.000-06:00

I've come to the conclusion that I never really seem to have a weekend. I used to use it to get sleep, and now I don't because it always seems like I'm woken up between 2 and 4 a.m. by some resident screaming or the like. And, now I'm surrendering half of my weekend to the Moian. I'm on the verge of being burned out and exhausted, and it's only February. Sigh.

In other news, Vince's wife is my new best friend. She rocks, and she crochets and knits. And now I have all kinds of dirt on Vince. Score.

Back to the wonderful world of my bulletin board: "Planting the seeds for academic success." Laugh all you want........

2003-02-02T23:31:00.000-06:00

Art Gallery....
Yes the Colleen Art Gallery exhibit will be opening on Wednesday after Spotlight (proally around 9 or 9:30). If you're in town, please come. Consider this an invite. I don't quite have the time to send out a personalized e-mail to everyone. It takes a lot out of a person putting an art gallery together. Oh, and sometimes, you also burn your finger too (damn glue gun...)

I can't wait for Gods and Generals, the prequel to Gettysburg to come out!!!

2003-02-02T01:54:00.000-06:00

My first national disaster at a newspaper
Yes, I received a call at 12:30 Saturday. I was at the newsroom within a half-hour. I was there for about 12 hours. And I had a beer after it was done... understandably.

I really thought the first huge thing of the semester was going to be war with Iraq. That would merit a four-page special section. I hate to be the inhumane journalist bitch, but seven astronauts dying didn't really merit the Columbia Missourian going into disaster-mode, calling in all the troops and putting out an additional four-pages of disaster coverage. It just didn't. I think we did way too much. By a lot. It's a tragedy, I know. But, it really didn't hit Columbia. Most people reporters talked to 1. didn't know it had happened or 2. weren't really fazed by it. We should've taken a clue from that. But, we didn't. And we put out a four-page special section anyways. Honestly, are we that desperate to scoop the other Columbia newspaper? Because that's what it sounded like at times.

Oh well, it's said and done. Disaster coverage No. 1 of the semester completed. I'm just waiting for the REAL news (i.e. war) to come along. We're gonna look really stupid when that happens. What will we do... have all 12 pages dedicated to war??

The TV's wearing the tiara, but...
"Princess" has now been nixed. "Tiara" is the new nickname in the newsroom.

And this is what I want to do the rest of my life?!?!?!?!
Yes, yes it is. I've never been more certain. Sigh... I'm a journalist without a soul (the Moian took it... a long time ago...)

2003-01-30T22:26:00.000-06:00

Being sick really sucks.
I actually slept through Crochet Club tonight because I had absolutely no energy. Two hours. I woke up to watch the end of Will and Grace and ER and finish up some work, but all I want to do is crawl back into bed. I really wanted to go to Harpo's tonight, well, because I finally can.... but I think that would kill me. Besides, we have to teach newbies to the newsroom how to close the Berg tomorrow night, and I have to be there for that.

Speaking of the Moian
A bunch of the editors now call me "Princess" instead of calling me by my name. Well, I did wear the crown, as I promised Chip, on my Tuesday night shift -- even to budget meeting with all the editors. But, I'm not sure if some of them just don't know my name, or they think it's funny to call me "Princess."

When the university gives you a gift cerficate to a pub/brewery/restaurant, what should you do?
Buy a sandwich and a beer.

2003-01-26T00:36:00.000-06:00

Things that made my birthday the best ever....
1. My friends... duh.
2. Jackie getting drunk. That was funny. I don't think she ever wanted to get off the dry bar at the Vu.
3. Getting barbecue sauce for my birthday. Yes, it is a staple of KC.
4. Getting the one and only thing I really wanted for my birthday -- a plastic tiara -- thanks to a specific editor at the Moian who told Katie. I still have to live up to my end of the deal and wear it during my Tuesday night design shift. I bet all the 306ers will be scared of me. Too bad.
5. Blythe and Sarah coming to the Berg for a bit.
6. Abby making biscuits while drunk. Funny.
7. Falling asleep on Katie's living room floor, and Drew kicking me. I can't wait to see the photos.
8. One-houring my film. Yeah.
9. RG... I think not. His name is Scott.
10. Meeting a certain hot 26-year-old five minutes after I walked into the Vu when he came up to me to buy me a drink. Let's just say I didn't pay for anything while I was at the Vu. ROCK.
11. My throat hurts. Let's think of why....
12. "It's flu season." -- Jackie, like every five seconds.
13. Becky, my TA from last semester, having them say happy birthday to me at the Vu over the loudspeakers.
14. Having a martini (bleh) and a cosmopolitan at the same time. It was an accident... I swear.
15. My old roomie -- she was pissed because a certain 26-year-old was buying all my drinks.
16. Janelle and I having a shot because we both had to work at the Moian today.
17. My sister's birthday present. I'm becoming a Tiffany's princess. (with a gold plastic crown).
18. Finally being able to go out with my friends who are 21 and 22.
19. Katie: "Colleen, you made out with a guy who is two years younger than Vince." I hope she doesn't tell Vince that. That would be weird.
20. A phone message from Miss Laine Harper... and a blog-note from Erica. I hope you drank up in London last night.
21. That message to Matt... can I take that back?? Er, yeah......

Danka to my guys and gals for a kick-ass 21st birthday. Cheers.

2003-01-23T22:17:00.000-06:00

T-minus one hour and 45 minutes until I turn 21. That means it's time to celebrate. Peace out yos.

BERG - 5 P.M. FRIDAY. Be there. Happy hour. Then bar hopping.

ROCK. I am almost 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2003-01-20T23:24:00.000-06:00

Countdown to 21...
T-minus, well, technically, 3 days and 45 minutes. I'MSOEXCITED.

However, I have been thinking of a long list of things that could go wrong. It's quite extensive. And I just need to stop thinking about it. Anyways, I will have good buds there looking out for me and anyone who tries to trip me up. That's all that matters. Spending my birthday with my friends.

Quiet hours...
Ugh. No one respects them. What do they not understand about shut the hell up?? (Note to res life readers: I don't actually say that, but I think it sometimes, such as at 4 a.m. when someone starts screaming.)

Things to look forward to....
1. My first design shift... tomorrow night... new flag and rail and all. The buck stops here.
2. My birthday... duh.
3. Classes.... they provide structure in my life... too bad they're not all in the afternoon so I can sleep in...
4. My birthday present from my sister.
5. Road trip to Milwaukee -- Spring Break 2003 -- with my favorite Seattle girl.
6. Seeing Chicago... I must see that movie!!!
7. Hopefully loosing a few pounds on Becky's new-fangled diet.
8. Student Staff info night... I get to dress glamorously for the skit!! Whee!!
9. Reading my new book... "The Scandalous Summer of Sissy LeBlanc"
10. Oh yeah, and turning 21.

Quote to live by: From "The Scandalous Summer of Sissy LeBlanc"
"When you get to be a certain age, you realize that the only thing you have time for is doing exactly what you want.... Rule Number 56. The Southern Belle's Handbook."

2003-01-17T13:10:00.000-06:00

Lessons learned...
I will never, ever try to act as designer, assistant news editor and copy editor at the Missourian again. Never. But, I designed my first page with MacGuyver (and mucho help from Fiscoscity). But, seriously, I will NEVER do that again.

And, yes, I am surrendering my Saturday nights to be an ANE. I might regret this...

Counting down to 21...
Last night, while at the Berg, I looked at my watch at exactly midnight. Yes, folks, 21 is less than seven days away. Hoorah!!

This message goes out to Laine Harper...
We got your postcard at the front desk!! Thanks!! I'm glad you're having a kick ass time in London. Drink a pint in honor of me next Friday :)

2003-01-14T14:50:00.000-06:00

Training... the final thoughts...
There's this group of absolutely amazing people. They make me smile and laugh. They make me happy. They make my life easier too. They are the reason I am able to take the afternoon off and relax.

They are my DAs.

Here's to my last semester on Res. Life. It's going to be great because of them.

OOh, and hats off to our kick ass duty board. Seriuosly, the best duty board EVER.

2003-01-13T00:46:00.000-06:00

Back in the CoMo...
Well, I have missed the ethernet. Patience is not a virtue I possess, so that explains the lack of blogging.

Break, the abridged version
** Key Largo = amazing.
** Speedo swimsuits should be banned, especially from large, hairy, old men.
** I don't get to do nearly enough reading for fun.
** I now know what I'm going to do the next year at the Missourian.
** I really am a shopaholic.
** My sister is a horrible influence on me.
** Even a lame-ass New Year's Eve is better than last year's.

Back to reality...
Training... the final chapter. Yes, this is my final Res. Life training. It is the end of the line for me. Sigh. And it is only appropriate that our area is now known as "BRF" (pronounced BARF).
Oh, and my soul is being sold back to the Moian starting on Thursday. Ah, it's feels good.
My first training session starts in 8 hours. Maybe I should get to bed so I don't collapse (due to lack of sleep last night because of Goodloe keeping me up until all hours of the night analyzing the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team. Or something like that...)

I'm legal in T-minus 11 days!!!!!!!!
Jan. 24. The BIG 2-1. Party starts at the Berg for happy hour at 5ish. More details to come.

2002-12-22T20:56:00.000-06:00

This message goes out to Pat Garvin...
I need to know how to get to your house, so you can take me to the airport. TURN ON YOUR DAMN CELL PHONE!!!!!!! And call me.

And so the semester ends...
Yes, FARC is empty except for my hall coordinator and me. It's creepy. In about 15 hours I will be home. And in about 35 hours or so, I will be in Key Largo. It's about damn time. All I want is a beach... ooh, and a nice tan boy. But, I'll make do with the beach if I must :)

Movies I love...
10 Things I Hate about You... it's on USA right now. God, I love that movie. Oh, and Heath Ledger, I want to go out with you. Can we arrange that??

2002-12-21T02:20:00.000-06:00

Who's that makin out in the Saturn's backseat?!?!
Yeah... not me. Well, at least my car saw a little lovin... even though it wasn't mine. Der. But it's OK b/c it was my favorite Moian girl getting some booty from a Moian boy. Way to go girl :)

Loneliness bites...
This has no relation to the Saturn backseat lovin. I'm still in FARC. Here until the wee hours of Monday morning. And then I'm scooting out to get to Key Largo. But, yes, I am the only staff member left. A few of my DAs are here to run the desk, but I have to close the building solo (well, with Ashley, my HC, too). Let's not get in to how this happened. I'm homesick (oddly enough...) and if the people in the room next to me don't shut up, I might attack them with all the food I need to throw away. (Well, it at least makes me look forward to the next two nights when there will be no noisy residents in the building and I can sleepsleepsleep... well, after checking rooms, delivering clearance records and such). It's going to be a long 48-or-so hours.

Sometimes you just need a lil' bit of luvin...
If I don't meet a tanned, ripped man in Key Largo, I might explode. After the episode in my Saturn, a certain Moian/Vox boy better watch out. I might pummel him tomorrow if I have to stop by the Moian. (Well, or I could maybe hold out until after break).

2002-12-19T00:55:00.000-06:00

Somtimes you just have to say...
I am sorry. Those are the three most powerful words to say (well, other than I love you... but they kind of go hand-in-hand).
Sometimes you are just too busy with everything you're trying to get through that you don't realize that what you did to patch things up just wasn't enough. It's sad to think that that's the way our world is (philosophical thought of the day...). But, I suppose everyone needs to realize at some point that you need to step back, re-evaluate and just say that you're sorry.
It's amazing what three words and icecream can do.

Welcome to the dating connection...
Taking applicants for a date... 'Tis the season... Seeking tallish, dark-haired boy with good fashion sense and a well-built body. Must have a good personality and a heart-stopping smile. Interest in journalism would be appreciated. Must be understanding about scheduling, as I am a busy girl. Only interested for a month or two, and then the fascination will subside. Would like the man not to be Irish, as Irish men tend to be my weakness.

Question of the day....
Asking out a guy whom you have been lusting after from afar but have only conversed with once. Creepy or ballsy? Seeking recommendations... shout it out, yo.

2002-12-17T20:33:00.000-06:00

My 24 hour hell is over...
Yes, I made it through my final... I finished my story, which is actually quite wonderful if I do say so myself. I even had time to buy little star ornaments and write on them "Tuesday Night Rimstar 2002" for all of my copy desk cronies. It is all over. Deep breath. Oh shit, I have a final on Friday. Yep, haven't started to study for it yet. Needless to say, I'm not quite out of the woods yet.
This song is dedicated to the Tuesday night rimstars...
I can't believe it is the end of the semester. No more editing the night rim on Tuesdays at the Missourian. Sure, I'm a student news editor and whatnot next semester. But it's not the same... no more writing headlines... no more scanning stories for local style errors. I'm not going to get sentimental... I promise. After all, I have The Kansas City Star to look forward to.
Let the apartment hunt begin...
I'm cruising the Internet looking for apartments. I'm not sure if I wrote about this last week (that week just blurs together... considering how I felt after all of the excitement Thursday). Anyways, Blythe (one of my DAs) got a reporting internship at The Star... so now we're going to live together. I'm so excited. She is going to be a super roomie. And we're going to have a lot of fun and drink a lot of alcohol (I mean, after all, we are journalists, and I will be 21 by then.... onemoremonthonemoremonthonemoremonth). I'm just very excited. We chatted about apartments when I had a DA evaluation session with her. It's great fun. And we even have a monkey lamp for our apartment (thanks to DA secret Santa and Clark). Hurrah. It should be wonderful.
Anyways, I must get back to the copy editing world.
In a random plea--- Trish, please set me up with Tim!!!!!

2002-12-17T01:02:00.000-06:00

Thanks for nothing...
If you would've asked me yesterday, I would've said it was great that Kerby Miller wanted me to take my Irish history final on Tuesday morning instead of Monday morning. This was, of course, after five solid hours of history studying. At that point, I was about to reenact the Easter Rebellion in the second floor lounge. That would've been bad.
But, now my final is in about eight hours. I'm not really sure if I'm ready for it. But, hey, it's two essays. I know some facts. I can just B.S. the rest of the stuff, right?? Well, it's what I keep telling myself... so give me a freakin break.
In the meantime, I've made amazing strides in my int. writing story, but I'm still 800 words shy of the 2,000 word requirement. And, frankly, I just don't know where the story is going at this point. I mean, I started it last night, and I made great strides on it this afternoon. I pretty much wrote half of it today, so I guess it'll get done before my final Missourian copy desk shift tomorrow... Of course that's at 4 p.m., and I have to take it to my prof's house... So, that means leaving at about 3:20 to drop it there. That gives me about four hours tomorrow after my final. I can do it. Well, I think I can...
I really wish I cared more at this point, but I don't. It's called being in the J-School, where your GPA doesn't matter anymore.
Which is why I baked cookies tonight....
Yes, instead of studying, I went to Katie's to bake cookies. Vince, my old news writing prof. and a reference for me, is defending his dissertation on Wednesday. So we baked him cookies (including a gingerbread one we frosted to look like him) and made him a sign for his door that says defense in the form of a "D - (fence)"... I can't draw a fence on here, but I think you get the point. Ah, whatever. Cheers to Vince... can't wait to get his dissertation on media convergence based on The Tampa Tribune convergence. It's 170-some pages of joy, I tell ya. Seriously, I'm happy to do it.
It's time to collapse and dream of getting all of my shit done tomorrow... passing Irish history and getting my story done. Ah, I hate finals week.

2002-12-15T10:46:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow morning is my first final. Friday is my last. I have a story due on Tuesday. And I have a Missourian shift on Tuesday.

Unfortunately, I'm having a bit of trouble motivating myself. Studying is not fun. Especially when it's for Irish history. I think I would rather poke myself in the eye with my Dow Jones pen.

I have three more essays to outline today for my exam on Monday. They're not easy. I did the easiest one yesterday. I'm out of reasons to cop out of studying.

I need a heavy dose of motivation to go with my breakfast. Or esle I'm in trouble.

** Note: I am never, ever studying with Katie again. We spent five hours studying. Well, more like, two hours talking at the Artisan and then three hours at the library. We studied for about one, talked for another and then explored the non-fiction section for journalism books and travel books for Kansas City and Milwaukee. Never again Goodloe.

2002-12-12T17:37:00.000-06:00

Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore....
Well, I will be exploring the state line between Missouri and Kansas this summer when I intern at The Kansas City Star.

God bless the Dow Jones Internship Fund... KC Star, bootcamp for two weeks in San Jose, Calif., and a completely unforgettable summer (one that is not in Michigan).

Flu be gone... this girl's celebrating w/ two other star Dow Jones kids and a bunch of reporters...

Yes, by God, I am a Star!!!

2002-12-11T12:39:00.000-06:00

I have the flu. This game sucks. I feel like all I do is sleep. OK, the end. I'm tired. Back to bed.

2002-12-08T22:53:00.000-06:00

I bought myself roses yesterday. They're gorgeous. But, I really wish people would stop asking me who bought them for me. I don't need anyone to buy them for me. I'm flippin self-sufficient people.

It seems like everyone is studying for finals, but me. Oops. Are they going to be sometime soon?? I have a week. Seriously. Plenty of time. And, I only have two. So there. One Monday and one Friday. Plenty of time. No worries. Not yet.

I want to rip out my throat. It hurts. I gargled salt water and spread Vicks VapoRub all over my chest. I feel disgusting and much like a 5-year-old.

Jon Sessions, you are banned from Room 244. Don't make me put up a sign that says "Do Not Enter, Jon Sessions." Don't you know not to torture a sick girl by jumping up and down on her bed??? Urgh.

I'm going to crawl into bed now... only to wake up at 7 to begin the insanity that will be the next two weeks of moves and closing two residence halls. Never again should that happen... never again.

2002-12-06T13:24:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time, a young copy editor decided to apply to The Seattle Times. She thought it was a long shot. She didn't think that The Times would even consider her.

But, then, a month later, she received a phone call from the copy desk chief at The Times. She was a finalist, and The Times needed her to take a copy editing exam.

A week passed, and she went home for Thanksgiving break. She took the exam Monday afternoon while sitting at the kitchen table. The oven timer told her when the exam was over. For two hours, she did not look up from the exam. She was so focused on catching everything. The exam was three times the length of her J110 final, but taken in the same amount of time. It was hell on earth. She thought she did well, but had a feeling that other people did better than her. And they did.

But, only two people hold a candle above her score. Last night, when she was at Crochet Club, the copy desk chief called her and left a message in her room. She had the results of the test and wanted to tell the girl.

She almost toppled over listening to the message.

But, she composed herself and called the woman back. Her hands were shaking from nerves.

And, then the woman told her how she did. And she was shocked. Making it to the finals for a paper of that caliber was thrilling. But, being at the top of that finals list was unexpected to say the least.

Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, this girl could be facing a big decision. Dow Jones calls on Thursday or Friday. So, what should she chose?

Even though she is flattered that The Times is still interested in her, she doesn't want to make the final cut. It would be best to take Dow Jones. She knows it. But, how could she turn an opportunity with The Times down?? So, she's hoping not to receive that phone call next week.

And, anyways, she would probably have to spend the summer with Chuck, who is a finalist for a reporting internship. That wouldn't be good. And, GOD, the two of them should not live together.... that could be really bad in many ways (think like a billion).

Next week should be interesting......

2002-12-05T00:29:00.000-06:00

I had one of those days... The kind of day that makes you want to pack up your stuff and run away from this darn two-story town (phrase borrowed from Bon Jovi...). I don't want to go to bed disappointed and upset... so we shall make a list.

Things that made me happy today:
1. I took a nap, for the first time in a month or more (not counting Thanksgiving break, of course).
2. I'm wearing the snowmen PJ pants I made last year. They are great.
3. It snowed. It didn't stick, but it was nice looking out the window at the snow falling.
4. Kari Wilson, Mercy grad, Mizzou alum and copy editor at the Detroit Free Press, is the most amazing woman. She's looking out for me big time. And it's nice to know there are people like that.
5. Wearing my men's sweater. I love this sweater.
6. J310 design project with Erin... it is beautiful. (tanning?? Friday??)
7. I find out about Dow Jones next week. It's about damn time. (Though that means I could be facing a very difficult decision about my summer).
8. Bon Jovi cheers me up... all the time.
9. Fun, interactive DA applications.
10. Holding on... for one more day. My sister will be proud. Well, I figure it's about damn time that I make him wait around for me, instead of the opposite.

Things that rained on my parade:
1. I broke three nails today. Must make appointment.
2. I didn't get as many DA applications as I would have liked. I suppose that's probably my fault on some level. I told a lot of people to apply, and they said they would... but then they didn't. Hmmm...
3. DRAMA that prevented me from taking a second nap.
4. I can't go out with friends tomorrow night because they're going to a bar... and I'm just soooooo close to 21, but not quite there yet.
5. I might throw my TV out the window. I hate The Hives.

2002-12-02T23:23:00.000-06:00

Michigan is having its first official snowstorm of the season. And I just barely missed it. Well, it's only four to six inches, but apparently that does enough to shut down the practically inefficient Detroit Metro Airport (and that's on a good day...). Snow is nice. But it's also cold. Therefore, I don't like snow because I don't like cold things -- except diet coke.

There are a few things I always love about Mondays. Top of my list is staff meeting. No matter what, we're nuts. And it's only Monday people. We eat like we've been starving in a third world country. We are just flat out looney. It has seriously become the highlight of my week.

So, at staff, we wanted to plan a dinner thing during finals week as our last hurrah before we leave for a few weeks. Ashley, my HC, suggested the evening of stop day. Well, I should be finding out about Dow Jones either that day or the day before that. So, I told her no. I would be very excited about Dow Jones and would thus need to get my celebration on with fellow J-school buddies. Hurrah (hopefully) pending celebration!

I hate computers. That is all folks. I am exhausted.

Away message of the day -- MINE -- up ALL DAY LONG: "Welcome to journalism hell. Leave your soul at the gate."

Tip of the day: Don't procrastinate about a 2,000-word final story, write most of it two nights before it's due, save it to disk and then have the disk completely fuck everything up. Damn disks not letting me open files. Shoot.

2002-12-01T22:57:00.000-06:00

Observations from the fine state of Michigan:

1. Apparently I'm a professional journalist now ... at least according to my HS journalism adviser. Yeah, I hated her. Why does she all of a sudden like me?? Not sure. But, somehow I ended up talking to the Newsprint staff. Weird. Oh, and she thinks I should be a reporter. Apparently she thought I was a good writer. Huh. Learn something new every day.

2. I don't like cold weather. It's good to be back in Mo. Where the high temp in Michigan is the low in Mo.

3. I MISS MY CAROLYNIA. It's not the same without her. I know she's having fun in London, but I want her to come home at Christmas. Otherwise, I might go crazy.

4. Dark-haired, dark-eyed Irish boys are the way to go, but it's not too fun when the home ec teacher from your HS is trying to hook you up with one of them at Thanksgiving dinner. Way to go Mrs.C. I'm pretty sure she's planning my wedding.

5. Procrastination is the devil. So is Patrick Garvin (you sicko). However, I get a lot of stuff done when I get back here. Huh.

6. When you tell your family that you have to by Christmas presents before you leave Mich., they don't listen to you. (MAUREEN!!)

7. Coci sucks when it doesn't have smores.

8. I HATE I-70. The darned two-laned highway. If there's one accident, the whole thing stops.

9. Internet access at home blows.

10. NEVER, EVER watch the movie The Sweetest Thing. That is, unless you would like to see a musical number dedicated your favorite male organ and mine. (take a gander...)

Paraphrase of the day: Instead of a boyfriend or a girlfriend, one should opt for nice, enjoyable lizards. -- Patrick Garvin.

2002-11-21T22:46:00.000-06:00

I really should've done some sort of work today. But packing and doing laundry seemed like better ideas.

I GET TO GO HOME!! It's about damn time I tell ya.

Scary thought of the day: I'm going to edit my news writing professor's dissertation. I'm not sure if I'm actually qualified for this, but he's paying. And he think's I'm qualified b/c I'm a finalist for The Seattle Times. So that's what happens when I tell one of my references good news about editing internships. Maybe I should rethink before opening my mouth next time. Actually, I think it will be a good experience. I'm not sure what the dissertation is on though. It's 175 pages. So I hope it's interesting.

I just want it to be 4 p.m. tomorrow. Then, I get to hit the road to STL and catch my plane. And go home. To sleep.

Someone needs to tell J.C. formerly from *NSYNC to cut his hair. It's hideous. He looks like the guy from Creed. Oh, and the goatee must go. Katie has ruined my opinions of men with facial hair (weird story...). J.C., if you read my blog, honey, I will love you again when you cut your hair. Seriously.

This is a long blog entry, but I have more to write. And this is perhaps the most important part of the night's entry.... God was laughing at me today. Laughing, I tell you. I felt like one of His puppets today -- my emotions and motions controlled by Him through a bunch of strings. Thanks God. It kinda sucks. All I know is this boy is in my life for a reason, and I intend to find out why. I don't know why I think it will be different this time around, but maybe it will be. I was ready to get over him, but apparently, that's not what you had in mind. Thanks for the kick in the ass (maybe...). Sigh, stupid Spear.

2002-11-20T22:56:00.000-06:00

Still undecided about the look of the blog, but in other news:

I should've read for Irish Lit. But I didn't. I packed stuff for Key Largo instead. I'm not going there until Christmas, but I'm taking stuff home now for it. It's easier that way.

I can't motivate myself. I should also interview people for my story, but I'm kinda putting that off too. I just want to curl up in my bed at home and sleep for 24 hours straight. I don't know if my mom would like that, though. It would interfere with shopping time. She was upset today because she has to go to UDMUN on Saturday morning for a few hours. Mom, seriously, I'll still be sleeping until 1. It's OK. I promise.

In other news, MacGuyver and I are just way too intense about our design project. I think Cindy thinks we're nuts. We asked her how important the visual element is in a centerpiece. She thought we were looney, since usually the editors decide what the centerpiece is. Even though it's for class and we don't have editors deciding for us, we spent 10 minutes discussing the centerpiece and the importance of the visual aspect of a centerpiece. We are nerds.

I want my Tuesday night Rimstars shirt NOW.

Looking forward to:
1. Scrapbook conference with Fred.
2. Hopefully seeing the illusive Vince Filak tomorrow.
3. Celebrating journalism successes tomorrow night.
4. A week of doing nothing, except for writing a paper, interviewing for a story and taking a two-hour editing exam.
5. Shopping with mom
6. Hanging out with MO2 (I don't think I can do squared on here... too much work).
7. Flying to Mich. with Mel.
8. Seeing 8 Mile in Detroit.
9. Sleeping, a lot.
10. Reading The Nannie Diaries

2002-11-20T01:08:00.000-06:00

I just gave my blog a facelift. I'm not sure if I like it, but I will wait until the morning when I am completely awake to decide. All of the blue is making me sleepy.

2002-11-20T00:58:00.000-06:00

highlight of my night: Freddie Vultee giving me a high-five when I told him about Seattle. Yeah. That was funny. (You must know Freddie in order to understand).

Other highlight: Conspiring with Rish and MacGuyver about pink t-shirts. Yeah, they're gonna rock.

[Note: copy desk people are nerdy... and this definitely includes me...]

Sidebar: Good luck to my favorite cops and courts reporter at the Globe. Whee!! (who would be my favorite?? Mr. Quarters?? -- even though Garvin compares me to him -- ugh, I'm still mad at you about that Garvin, but you ate dinner with me, so I guess I forgive you).

NOW TAKING APPLICATIONS:
Job description: Make-out buddy
When: whenever I need you
Pay: payment can be debated on a number of levels
Why: because I like boys and I like making out
Contract: can be negotiated.
If interested or if you know of anyone interested, please contact me.

*** Chuck need not apply. (he's already been prescreened.....)

2002-11-16T20:43:00.000-06:00

I realized that Cruel Intentions is slightly disturbing. Not because of the way the movie is, but because of the scenes between Ryan Phillipe and Reese Witherspoon. They're married. It's kinda ooky watching to married people getting it on in a movie. On a side note, Legally Blone 2 is coming out next year. Wheeeee!!

It's homework night on a Saturday night. This is what happens when internship deadlines loom, and you just don't know what will turn up. Anyways, I have a ton of homework because I gave fashion advice today. It was much needed fashion advice. Katie would've been lost in St. Louis if it wasn't for me, and she also would've been very frustrated and probably not sure what to do (this is from her mouth).

To K: I'm sorry I poopooed our plans. I'm horrible. But, we can play this week. I'll make it to WW. I promise. (Irish dance class ends at 7:20). I'll be there. And maybe we can get Shakey's. I haven't had it since September.

Being in STL made me so excited to go home. I can't wait. I want to start packing and go now. I'm tired and sick of being here. And I just want to shop with momma and talk to my parents about internship stuff so they can help me figure out what to do. I also want to see my BF, my sista -- we'll rouse up some trouble I'm sure of it... with Moie too.

Note of the day: Jealousy sucks. And so does bitterness. It's just not cool, and it certainly isn't attractive.

2002-11-15T13:38:00.000-06:00

There are times when you really need a friend. And I would like to thank the person who took the time late last night to be my friend when I had a strange and frustrating realization (it's not something I want to talk about here, but if you ask, I will probably tell). Anyways, thanks for the reasoning and thanks for the "make me feel better tonight" dealio. We're in it together yo.

Congrats to Katie... we went out last night to celebrate great feats in the field of journalism. What's funny is that Katie was talking about The Boston Globe and I was talking about The Seattle Times... and Chuck, yeah, Mr. Pretentious himself was talking about nothin. HAHAHA. It perhaps made my night.

I'm contemplating the possibility of beginning to pack to go home. I don't leave for another week, but I do have to cram a ton of summer clothes in for our vacation in Key Largo. Ah, that sounds sooooo nice. It's nice to be going home for Thanksgiving, but I really really really want to head home for Christmas because that means leaving for Key Largo the next day. Eehhhhhhh. (that's a cry of jubilation in my head).

Stupid editing moment of the week: I found an error in the Flatbranch menu last night, and I pointed it out to the journalismy people at my table. They thought I was a nerd. Reporters. Puh.

Days of Our Lives shocker: Bo killed Lexie. Ohmygod. I can't believe it.

Song of the day: Bon Jovi "You Give Love A Bad Name"

2002-11-13T23:37:00.000-06:00

Shout out to my Moian peeps who know how to get to my blog now... (they are fascinated by this marvelous invention.. I'm honestly getting a little tired of it, but I'm keeping it up so that people who never see me know what I'm up to).

I'm a goddess. I just designed the FARC community letter going out to prospective FARCers in just less than an hour. Hurrah. And, all of my stuff for DA hiring is ready to be put up tomorrow (my signs are uber cool.... the theme of the signs: reality shows -- American Idol, Making of the Band, Survivor and The Ossbournes). Ooh, and I'm a natural at Irish dance... didn't really feel natural, but alright... it's all in the name of journalism I tell you.

I got a phone call today from The Seattle Times. No, I don't have the internship yet, but I have moved on to the second stage. So, that means my Thanksgiving break will consist of my parent's administering a two-hour-long test to me. I can think of no better way to spend my time away from school. But, in reality, with a presentation that I haven't started and is being delivered on Tuesday and with a story that I'm working on, the only time for me to take the test is over break (Note: editorial apology for the last sentence... it's hideous, but I don't really want to fix it).

Anyhoo, this weekend should be fun... I'm finally going to see a friend whom I haven't seen in so very very very long because we're two busy chicas (I'm sorry I missed our WW date tonight...). A friend is turning 21. And, I get to dream about packing and getting the heck out of here. (Think: Counting Crows "Hangin Around"... that's how I feel). Ooh, and hopefully, I'll be able to see my old roomie. I miss her and our antics (and all of the disasters that seem to happen when we're around each other).

Ok, I need sleep. I'm tired of walking around in a strange haze and barely keeping my eyes open in class. I don't think my professors notice, do you?!?!

2002-11-12T00:26:00.000-06:00

Well, I was thinking of adding commenting on to this here blog, but I have no freakin clue how to. I could look, but that requires time and energy... two things I don't have. So, any suggestions, please pass on to me: cmpd77@mizzou.edu. Danka.

I had the realization that I can't do everything for everyone today. I can't entirely solve my own problems, let alone everyone else's. I guess you reach a point when you have to step back and say I can't do anything about this. It's not really quitting, though I tend to think of it as such. But, it's something you have to do for your own sanity. It's something you have to do to keep from being sad. And it's something you have to do in order to think of yourself. Sometimes you have to be selfish. And, I'm going to be doing that.

Question of the day: How do you tell your parents that if you end up working for the Detroit Free Press this summer, you want to live in an apartment and not with them??

Potential mistake of the day: I e-mailed Spear. I succombed to the pressure. I wanted to. I think I could perhaps regret this. Live and learn...

2002-11-10T21:32:00.000-06:00

I am becoming one of those people I hate. I am a journalism snob. Definition: pretentious, out to one-up others, seeking to emphasize my success.

I came to this realization the other day when I was e-mailing a recruiter I spoke with at the newspaper fair to make sure that my application for a summer internship was complete. In the process, I mentioned that I would be willing to send her additional, more up-to-date clips, including the umbrella hed on 1A from Wednesday's post-election edition. And I mentioned that the exec. editor keeps talking about said headline.

While aimlessly driving around Columbia last night with nothing to do because 1. we're not 21 and 2. thus we cannot go to bars/casinos with the 21 crowd, Katie and I came to the conclusion that we're getting to be those pretentious people we used to slightly hate. Well, we're not that bad. At least not until someone compares us to "Chuck." And, I am worse than Katie... by quite a bit. But, I suppose it's a necessary evil because you need to draw attention to yourself in order to get somewhere. Whatever. I'm still not on the same level as "Chuck"... not even close. If I become like that, please kill me.

Funny moment of last night: A friend, who will remain nameless, has 3 hickies on her neck. Yes, THREE (one she believes is hidden by her hair). Anyways, she might have to borrow a turtleneck from me in order to not make a horrible impression tomorrow when she goes about her daily business. Hell, right now, I'm living vicariously through her. Maybe my turn will be this weekend (it seems that there's a week delay between the two of us....)

2002-11-09T19:43:00.000-06:00

I had a trip down memory lane today. I watched William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet on FX. Man, those were the days when Leonardo Dicaprio (we called him "Leo" then) was sooo hot. And I was in love with him. Yes, I was ready to save myself for Leo. How dilusional of me. Anyways, it's actually quite a great film. With Baz as director, I don't see why it would suck. Well, except for that modernizing Shakespeare thing. That tends to fail miserably in films... not in 10 Things I Hate About You though. Hmm, maybe I should watch that movie now.

Anyways, watching Romeo + Juliet was probably not a good idea. Even though they end up dead, they love each other so much. Sometimes, I wonder why my love life is such a joke. In college, I've either been the one-night girl or something along those lines or the potential child-bearer. Guys don't see me for who I am. They see me as the means to an end. And that sucks.

When I was driving my friend Katie this afternoon, a guy from another car eyed us big time. We laughed, of course. It's nice to get that because then we know that guys still are interested in us, but the excitement from that moment lasts only a short time. Then we return to our singleness, discussing how all of our friends have guys and we can't even get a little action that lasts for more than one night... or at least action that is worth it. It's no fun. And I'm tired of it. Even though I don't want a boyfriend, it would still feel nice to be loved.

I need another insane night out with friends.

2002-11-09T01:09:00.000-06:00

Things that make me happy:
1. Dancing to Madonna's Immaculate Collection CD
2. Hanging out with Moian kids
3. Just being 20 years old... and single.
4. Acting like I'm a single woman
5. Dancing like nobody's watching

Things that piss me off:
1. "CHUCK." UGH.
2. The Berg and the stupid waitress we had...

** Note: we did not see 8 Mile tonight... we were supposed to, but it was sold out. So, we opted for an alternative plan... which was great, until we started playing "I never" and such... yeah whatever... crazy Moian kids

2002-11-08T00:50:00.000-06:00

This blog entry is dedicated to my friend Pat------

Amazing feat of the day: While hanging out at the Berg, Pat*** got drunk after taking 5 sips of a martini. Yes, I cannot believe this. I wonder if it would qualify as a Guiness Book of World Records thing... Nonetheless, it makes me laugh.

While sober, Pat concocted a three-prong plan of seduction for me to use on "Chuck." (note: Goal of said plan: no relationship w/ Chuck... just a friend with benefits situation).
1. Show up at his door in one of my nightgowns (or teddies as Pat likes to call them) with a bottle of chocolate.
2. Tell him I am preggers (which is not physically possible, but nonetheless a good thing to use against him apparently).
3. Beat him up. That will lead to making out. (Or use some of my D-town violence with Eminem blarring in the background... Apparently, that attracts men).

*** Pat, I am not making fun of you... seriously. You know I love you. And I hope you don't remember what I said about guys that would shatter my innocent Catholic school girl personna.

2002-11-07T16:56:00.000-06:00

Reasons to be happy today:
1. I went tanning. And that rejuvenates me.
2. It's Thursday. So, I only have one class tomorrow.
3. I've gotten a whole lotta stuff accomplished today.
4. My Intermediate Writing story on the Central Missouri Celtic Arts Association is gonna rock.
5. Related to No. 4, I will be learning Irish step dancing next week in order to best describe the dance lessons.
6. I have money in my bank account thanks to a check from Mom and Dad.
7. Encounters with "Chuck" are getting less awkward. Yeah, proally most of you have no idea what I'm talking about... whatever.
8. Tonight, there's a Super Sized Friends and Will and Grace.
9. Jennifer Graholm is the first woman governor of Michigan. I knew there was a reason I stayed a MI voter for this election.
10. On a similar Michigan note.... 8 MILE COMES OUT TOMORROW!!!!!!!! There's a great story about Eminem in the NY Times Magazine this week. Read it. He's trying to tame his attitude for his daughter. Quite a touching story. Anyways, shout out to my BIG D homies for this one.

2002-11-06T02:47:00.000-06:00

Yes, I just got home from the Missourian. And, yes, I am tired and have to wake up early in the morning, but all of the caffeine is still rushing around in my body. As far as I know, they're still paginating at the Missourian. Not my problem yo. I was told I could go.

Erin and I are rim rockstars. No one would've put up with the crap we put up with tonight. At one point, I had about four editors take over my computer to make changes to a story. And one (the one who scares me sometimes b/c he's so intense) also stood there while I edited and suggested changes as I went. Not really necessary changes, but I suppose they made the story better. Anyhoo, check out my rockin headline... on the Senate story.

Things I have learned: even after the hell that dwindles into the night from Election Day, I still want to be a journalist. Shocking, I know.

Funny thing of the day: Signs made by Pat and "Chuck" (long story... his name's not Chuck, but it's our code word for him when gossiping at the copy desk due to awkward situation of a couple Saturdays ago that involved a fallen angel and a boy dressed as Nelly - with a Band-Aid on his face). Mine says "Colleen all freaks" (READ: Calling all freaks). Erin's said "The Great White Hype" (after her last name). Ah, good times on Nov. 5 at the Missourian while waiting for results to come in.

I heart journalism. I don't heart classes tomorrow. The End.

2002-11-05T12:58:00.000-06:00

Happy happy happy election.

I endorse voting. We're fortunate to have that opportunity in this country. Make use of it. Be knowledgeable and vote.

Voting was strange for me this year. I've been so detached from Michigan that it seemed slightly ridiculous when I looked at my ballot to vote as a Michigan registered voter. I researched, as much as possible, but the only person I really cared about voting for was Jennifer Granholm. So I voted. I think maybe in the next year I'll become a Missouri voter. I know more about issues in Missouri, and I'm, for all intents and puposes, a Missouri resident. I think my parents' hearts might break if I break that tie with Michigan, but it's part of growing up.

Anyways, today will be a marathon day. I must run errands (and get a broken nail repaired). And then I will be at the Missourian. Hopefully, we'll send the paper over to the printers at 1:30 a.m. That is apparently the goal. But that all depends on the reporters. Anyways, I will be up late late late. And awake early early early tomorrow.

I have to say, I've been excited about this day for weeks. I can't believe I'm working on Election Day. It's such a great opportunity. But, the reporter inside of me is crying because I won't be talking to people 25-feet outside of polling sites. Too bad, but I have a very important job too. Seriously, I woke up this morning and was so so happy that Election Day was finally here. And, while roaming the stations for news channels, I discovered the film The Paper on USA. Of course, I watched it and remembered how proud I am that I'm a journalist.

Anyways, enough on my journalist post.

In other news, I talked to Moie Matthews last night after a long hiatus because we're two busy girls. I miss her!! She's the greatest. And I can't wait to go home at Thanksgiving and Christmas for some wild times in MI and in Canada (well, duh... we're going there). I can't believe how much we've all grown up in the past two years. It seems like so long ago when we roamed the halls of Mercy, in our uniforms, not shaving our legs for weeks at a time (sometime months...). God, we were so little then. And we're all so different now, but it's nice to know that we can go back and pick up where we left off. So, my high school buddies, if anyone else wants to hop on the bandwagon for a Canada trip, let me know. We'd love to have ya!!

Peace out and happy voting. (Happy journalisming to my fellow J-buds).

2002-11-03T22:52:00.000-06:00

I had the most amazing weekend. It started on Halloween, when I had a blast with friends. It's a lot of fun hanging out with people from the newsroom outside of Lee Hills. Then, I went on staff retreat to southern Missouri, around Isabella. In other words, I was about three miles from Arkansas (a state I have never been too), but we didn't go there. We stayed in my hall coordinator's family's vacation house on Bull Shoals Lake. It was absolutely beautiful. So, on a retreat you're typically supposed to do bonding activities. Well, we went to the grocery store. We did a puzzle. And we played Trivial Pursuit. But, we scrapped the real, scheduled bonding activities for sleep. And we ate enough to feed a small country. I'm stockpiling for the next three weeks of eating at Twain before going home, so I have a food baby in my stomach right now.

Since it was a 4-hour drive home, I had some time to think (in between napping, eating and singing to Jon Bon Jovi's "Livin on a Prayer"). I haven't been a very good friend to some people lately because I've been so busy. It's been hard because my week nights are tied up with homework and activities. But, when it comes to the weekend, I've been doing things with a lot of the same people lately. Here's the thing though. I don't necessarily think it's all my fault. Friendship is a two-way street. And, it hurts sometimes when I try to put in the effort, and the other side doesn't. It makes me wonder why I'm bothering, and if these people really are my friends.

Unfortunately, this applies to friends from Michigan too. I've been a bad friend to a lot of them... forgetting birthdays and all. And, I need to write letters or e-mails, but I never seem to have enough hours in the day lately. Just know, you Michiganders, I love you always and forever. Even if I am a shitty friend sometimes. I know we're all busy and all grown-up (almost). We'll have our time over Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm just proud of us. We got out. And we're going to be the successful ones.

2002-11-01T14:32:00.000-06:00

I want to drop out of school. Not because I don't like school, but I just feel that there's not much more I can do here. I'm ready for the big time. I want to work as a copy editor for a paper. I want to bust out of this sleepy ol' town and get on with the real show.

Something that disturbs me: I walked into the newsroom today to drop off stuff for one of my friends (he needed my resume and cover letter... so he would know what good ones looked like or something like that)... Anyways, when I was in the newsroom, I wanted to stay. I love that place. The buzz of conversation. The ringing phones. The drone of the computers. It just gives me the chills how much I love it. And that disturbs me. I think I'm going to be one of those journalists who makes journalism his/her life and ends up old and alone at 60, but after having a lucrative journalism career.

Thought of the day: In a coversation to my friend Pat: "Men are like the shoppers at a meat counter. And the women are the different kinds of meat. They just want a side of beef each weekend." I think it was something along those lines... give me a break, I woke up a half-hour before he called me, and I was freakin exhausted anyways. However, there is a great deal of logic to this...

This weekend I'll be on staff retreat... wheehoo. My first weekend out of this town since July 4th. SAD.

2002-10-31T00:08:00.000-06:00

ME= SCHMOOZER
I love internship fairs... it's really quite fun. I feel like a big schmooze, but I suppose that's not a bad thing... what rocks is that I had a recruiter take another girl and me out to dinner tonight. ROCK.
I'm bustin into journalism yos!!!
But, I must get to sleep so I don't fall asleep while interviewing tomorrow....

2002-10-27T23:05:00.000-06:00

Things that make me happy:
1. Eight Mile is coming out soon!!! Yeah D-town.
2. Purchasing my very own pica pole... Yes, I think this could prove to be a great weapon against unruly reporters who don't want to listen to my suggestions.
3. Spending time with old FIG members, like Erica and Jason, last night.
4. Costume parties.
5. Katie Goodloe... she's a super girl. The boy drama since I have met her has been thoroughly amusing.
6. Silly mistakes... well, maybe not mistakes... but, sort of slipups along the road.
7. My new philosophy: if the guy you're in love with won't have you because of his commitment-phobic nature, then find someone else (or multiple someone elses) to tide you over until he realizes that he's stupid and changes his mind.

That is all for tonight folks. I need sleep. I didn't sleep very well last night.... Uh, yeah. And I have to turn in payroll tomorrow early early early. Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

2002-10-26T22:15:00.000-05:00

So, I'm going to a costume party. And, I was going as a fallen angel... black boots, fishnets, red skirt, black shirt... then I added handcuffs and a garter... and uber dark red lipstick and lots of makeup... and I realized that I don't really look like a fallen angel. I look like a hooker with wings. So, if anyone asks me what I am, I will simply respond, a hooker with wings...
To top things off, I'm taking one of my staff members... Yeah, he's dressed as a cheerleader... Yes, HE.
Oh, and not to mention, that I've had a few too many residents of mine look me up and down... I feel violated. I mean, it would be fine if they weren't my residents... But they're my residents. Whatever.
Peace out yos... Party til the cows come home!!

2002-10-24T23:15:00.000-05:00

I've started to knit a hat. The pattern is in the November issue of Real Simple magazine. I'm not really sure how it's going, and it took me a while to remember how to cast on to the needle. After 2 hours, I did 3 rows. It's kind of hard because you have to rotate your stitch from knitting to purling every two stitches. So, it makes things complicated for a beginning knitter. I will get through it though...

Tomorrow night, I think I want to curl up in my room, buy icecream and watch a movie. By myself. That sounds so nice. I've been uber busy girl lately, and I would love to have time to myself. Since that's not happening on Saturday night (apparently, I'm going to a Halloween party with loads of Missourian kids... I can't decide whether to be a prostitute or a fallen angel... I will figure that out though, and Adam will do my makeup... yes, a little odd, but he's a theater major ya know...).

Random thought unrelated to the hooker/fallen angel thing.... sometimes, I wonder if people respect me. I think that's why I like the Missourian so much. I feel like people respect me within the walls of Lee Hills Hall. I'm talented, and they know it. But, other times, I think people may pass me off as a flake, which I am not. I'm intelligent. There's more to me than a pretty face, great clothes and super hair. Perhaps that's why I no longer want to be a blonde. And that's why I'm having my hair dyed chesnut brown tomorrow. I don't think that will fix the way people perceive me in any way, shape or form. Some day, I will prove everyone wrong when I'm a successful journalist. And then they'll feel horrible for ever doubting my abilities.

Final thought: I may be smart about certain things, but I certainly don't have a clue about boys. Have I mentioned recently how much boys confuse me? They do. And it's annoying. I wish things would be defined, and you would know what path to take all the time. I'm an indecisive person, and that doesn't help things. Reanalyzing over and over again. It would be so simple to just call Spear and talk to him, but that could open up feelings I shoved into the back of my heart. And, frankly, I'm afraid of him, and afraid of the possibility of him and me. It's so easy to hit the talk button on my phone, but it's so hard to complete the call. He may not be "the one" but he's the closest thing I've found to it. And I don't care what other judgmental people think about that. I deserve relationship happiness just as much as they do. You can call me boy crazy, but there really is only one person I care about underneath it all. And I hate harboring those feelings.

Song of the day: "Open All Night" by Jon Bon Jovi
"It aches, It breaks, it takes your breath away.
I've been around that block a time or two.
Baby I don't want to fall in love with you.
I try, try, try but I can't get around the truth.
Please don't say my name.
Give this heart a break.
I don't want to make the same mistake, but it's too late."

2002-10-21T17:17:00.000-05:00

Every time I try to update this damn thing, the stupid Internet fails on me. And people say Ethernet is great... not Mizzou Ethernet. It's down all the freakin time...

I've been quite the busy girl today. It cost me nearly $10 to send my sister's birthday present. She better like it... And, it's going to cost $26 to get the sleeves shortened on my suit for my interview on Friday. I think Mom and Dad will pay for that one. I've come to a conclusion about my monetary situation. Working for Res Life = being poor. I don't know how I am going to afford Christmas at this rate. Maybe Maureen finally will get a lump of coal from me (kidding....).

In like 10 minutes, I have to leave for the info session about the newspaper fair next week. My mission at that fair is to get my resume to as many people as possible. However, I'm still banking on the Dow Jones. We'll find out in December. Apparently, after finishing the test (test #4 of the week, which I took on Saturday at 10 a.m. -- also after getting 5 hours of sleep b/c someone decided to have people over and I was roped in to the situation), Patty Atwater, the proctor, looked at my exam and was nodding her head and smiling. I take that as a good sign. She's not the type to smile a lot. I received this tip from a former Girls State bud - who hated the experience as much as I did.

I went to the Corn Maze this weekend on a FARC trip, which turned into a trip for mostly DAs, AAs and staff. Too bad no freshman signed up. Anyways, who do I run into in the middle of the corn maze, which is one of two in the area and about 20 miles from Columbia???? Spear. For Christ's sake. I've been thinking about him a lot lately and then -- bam. Run into him a freakin corn maze. What are the odds?? A friend told me that destiny is trying to tell me something. Must be telling me that I am 1. meant to be with this person or 2. a complete and utter fool. I think No. 2 is proally the right pick in that situation. Nonetheless, I still think I will call him to catch up -- even though I know my heart will hurt more than it has since two months ago when I stopped talking to him.

Redeeming point of the week, after almost losing it in the corn maze: DA retreat on Sunday. They decided they wanted to go to an apple orchard. So we did. I got pumpkins and apples. It was the best time. I love them so much. They are such a highlight in my, at times, dim and dreary life.

CD to buy: Dana Glover "Testimony" ... It's $9.99 at Target. I liked the cover, so I bought it. It is spectacular.
Best song on the CD: "Almost Had It All" ---
"You didn't take it easy when you let me down
You didn't let me find a plae to fall
But you'll be sorry, baby, when I"m not around
You will see you almost had it all"

2002-10-18T09:09:00.000-05:00

T-minus 5 hours until my Irish history exam... still have a load of studying to do... good thing I don't have anything to do until my test at 2.

I may poke my eye out before then. I suppose I couldn't take the test if I did that, huh??... hmmm... ideas...

2002-10-14T21:40:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a wee bit incoherent. I'm sick and exhausted. And I have a midterm tomorrow (#1 of the week). So, I'm a lil bit on edge.

I've been studying for about 8 hours for this damn exam, and I don't feel like I have any real grasp of the material. And that sucks. I'm not one to feel that way going into an exam, so I'm panicking a wee bit.

It's very tempting just to go to bed now, and wake up earlier tomorrow morning to cram in a bit of studying before my 9:30 class. I'm seriously considering this option.

I perhaps received the biggest compliment of my life from someone in the J-School/Missourian today. I was just floored by it.

Things to do this week:
1. transcribe notes from interview with Clark for profile, and write profile.
2. Study for Irish history exam
3. go to internship interview at 9 a.m. (ugh) Wednesday
4. teach FARCers that if they're gonna drink, they should do so responsibly.... and mix drinks for FARCers (virgin ones, sillies).
5. Call a semi-old friend, even though it's probably not a good idea...
6. SLEEP.

2002-10-13T16:18:00.000-05:00

I have my first internship interview on Wednesday. I submitted my resume and a cover letter to the managing editor from the Des Moines Register (via the J-School). Out of 31 people who applied a week ago, there were only 12 people that he picked to interview. And I was one. Wheee!! I am wanted. But, I'm not sure how much I would want Des Moines yet... We'll see. Nonetheless, it is nice to know that I stand out in a crowd -- in a good way.

I am really really exhausted. Last night was the best time I've had in a long time. I was supposed to take residents to Shattered for Alcohol Responsibility Month (my sister thinks that ARM is a strange idea... I wonder why... perhaps b/c your campus has a dorm shaped like a beer can... maybe...) Anyhoo, no one came though. Disappointing. But, my friend Nichole from summer staff came with me, after we ate at Bingham for like 2 hours. It was the greatest time -- best time I've ever had at Shattered (even though I was hit on by a creepy 30-something-year-old man... I'm getting used to being hit on by creepy men). Anyways, what can be better than playing "Material Girl" by Madonna - my theme song - and "Living on a Prayer" by the hottest man on the planet, Jon Bon Jovi, back to back.... nothing can be better than that.

Nichole ended up coming back here and we chatted for like 3 hours about everything from religion to boys and relationships. It was super. Except, I looked back through my journal to explain some stuff to her, and that was a bad idea. Brought a lot of old feelings to the surface, feelings that I didn't want to rehash. And then, that makes you wonder if things would be different now. And that feeling sucks because you think about why a guy backed away from you and you wonder if it was really because of you or because of him. And I'm pretty certain of why things happened the way they did, which really makes me want to call him again. It's been two months (even though Maria told me I had to wait three... long story, but I trust her). Anyways, reading your journal again = bad idea. That's the lesson of the day kiddies.

2002-10-11T00:02:00.000-05:00

I took a 2-hour-long nap today. Holy God. I don't remember the last time I've done something like that. I kept resetting my alarm, but decided to go on sleeping. It was wonderful and amazing. Even though I napped excessively, I am still yawning as I sit here typing. Definitely going to bed after I finish this.

Is it really Thursday? How did this happen? I swear it was just Monday. It also was just the start of the semester, and now all of a sudden, I'm half way through it. Time goes by too quickly.

This weekend will be a weekend of mega-studying. I am certainly not looking forward to it. Except for the study party I'm having with Becky on Friday night. However, I have a feeling her idea of studying may be a little different than mine....

Tomorrow I'm going to get my nails done. This will be an exciting experience. Let me tell ya, getting ready for internship interviews I think is much more stressful than the actual interview. Mom said I should get my nails done, so I'm doing that. We've also had quite a bit of drama over what to wear for a blouse/sweater under my suits. Stupid stores that don't have a good selection of petite clothes. Do they really hate short people with little arms that much?!?!?! Argh.

I heart Bon Jovi. The end.

2002-10-08T23:53:00.000-05:00

I should have worked on internship stuff this afternoon, or perhaps begin studying for the three midterms, internship editing exam and profile article (that I haven't started interviewing for) all of which are due next week. (Editing note: that is a horrible sentence, but I'm just too damn tired to do anything about it but post this little note to go along with it). Of course I didn't do any of the above.
No, instead, I ran to Target to get the new Bon Jovi CD (I've listened to half of it... It's super). I also invested $9.99 in Madonna's "Immaculate Collection" CD. And, then, I read Confessions of an Ex-Girlfriend for an hour at Columbia Coffee Company and sipped on a super mocha with Irish cream in it. Perhaps the best mocha I have ever had. And, I've had a lot of mocha people.
Point of this story: Colleen is behind and not really doing anything about it. Well, dagnabit.
Check out the coolest, hippest paper in the country (well, not really, but sometimes, I like to pretend it's really reputable). Anyways, check out the headline on the owls, yes owls, story. That's all me.
Internship update: Strings were pulled, and I definitely have an interview with the recruiter from the Detroit Free Press. Well, I don't want to be in Detroit, but I can't turn down $541 per week of pure profit. Living with Mom and Dad might kill me though. I love them, but I like my independence. And having alcohol in my fridge when I'm 21 (not in the dorm though sillies).
Quotes of the day: Confessions of an Ex-Girlfriend by Lynda Curnyn
"Was he a commitmentphobe? I thought that only poor, struggling artist types were afflicted with that condition." (oops... I suppose I fall in that category...)
"Confession: I am hopelessly unprepared to meet Mr. Right."
"Confession: I don't need a man, just a lobotomy."
"Confession: I realize marriage might best be left for the truly committed - or the mentally insane."

2002-10-06T22:30:00.000-05:00

Things I learned this weekend:
1. It's great when a friend's mom visits and leaves leftovers for you to eat. I miss home cookin' from Momma.
2. You have to make mistakes in order to learn (unfortunately, I have a lot of things that can be applied in this category... shoot...)
3. The internship application process is soooooo much work, but so worthwhile.
4. You can never get enough homework done on the weekend.
5. I like to procrastinate sometimes...
6. Short pixie hair rocks.
7. Creepy guys are attracted to me.
8. When you just don't want to run into someone, of course you do. (note: I am not referring to Spear... that's the response I got from so many people... I wouldn't mind seeing Spear. I miss talking to him. In a friendly way though. Not otherwise. ---- however, I am referring to a guy...)
9. I've missed my sarcastic relationship with a person who I recently started talking to again. It makes me laugh why we didn't talk for so long. That was stupid. If you see this and know who you are, I'm dumb. I'm sorry.
10. I love the fall. The brisk wind. The leaves falling off the trees (not because they're really changing colors... it's just windy). The leave changing colors (as much as they do around here).
11. KOMU needs a fashion coordinator.
12. I'd like to find myself a nice southern boy with a thick accent. One who can drive a tractor. Just for a couple weeks. So I can say I dated a farm boy. (I saw "Sweet Home Alabama"... sometimes southern boys are just so sexy... especially if they have baby blue eyes).
13. I need to stay away from boys for a while......

2002-10-03T21:38:00.000-05:00

I like chocolate. It is my weakness. That and Diet Coke.

I am soooo proud of myself. I got so much accomplished today. I wrote my Dow Jones essay. I finished my resume.

I think I could stay in school for a very long time. I like learning and taking classes. Yes, I am a nerd, but seriously, I feel so productive when I have classes. I hated this summer, at times, because it was so darn unstructured.

My list of things to do this weekend keeps getting shorter and shorter. I still have a 4-6 page paper to write that I haven't really thought about yet... I kind of have an idea. (that's a huge "kind of").

Also, I think my cell phone isn't working, but I will be getting a new one this weekend anyways and new number -- so look forward to that.

Now, time to put up my rockin bulletin board. Wheeehoo.

2002-10-01T14:57:00.000-05:00

So, I want to be a copy editor, as you all know. But, every time I take a reporting class, my professor throws me a curve ball. But, it's a good curve ball. Writing classes remind me that I am a good writer, and I could write for a magazine as a career. This, of course, is a great thing right now with my magazine writing class, since I am considering freelancing magazine stories on the side while I edit as a career. I mean, editing's going to keep me at weird hours anyways. So, I will have time on my hands to, ya know, write a magazine story or two a month.

I could write about arts. I could write about crafts. I could write about lipstick. I could write about shopping (I'd be such a pro at this... no training necessary). I could write a column, per Jen's suggestion, like one Sex in the City's Carrie writes... only it would be called "Abstinence in the City."

The ideas are endless.

Note to self: write a story for Vox about finding common ground in the music industry with my mom. She likes some of my music. Who would've thunk it? (Note: there's more to this... must pitch it to Justin).

So, the point of this story is: Wow, I can be a journalist. Not just an editor. A journalist. Take that Marco Mulcahy. You don't know jack.

P.S. This mood is directly related to my personal essay, my first story for my mag. writing class, which I received a super duper grade on. It's so nice when most of the writing on your story is positive stuff.

Quote of the day: from Confessions of an Ex-Girlfriend by Lynda Curnyn
"'Why aren't we married yet?' I asked Jade later that night on the phone.
'Because we're strong women,' she replied."

(note: favorite character from the book so far: Lucretia Wenner, "the angry copy chief [at a magazine] who neither woman nor man could truly love." ... not like me, but hilarious nonetheless...)